Perfect Paradise Book 7

chapter 9

Finally he started.

“I am so sorry that I have been dealing with this alone.  I am ……I have been struggling so badly. Yesterday was everything I want.  I ...... sometimes……” you drew a deep breath for whatever came next.

Looking at you for strength, he continued “ sometimes I don’t want to go back”.  You nodded for him to continue.

“Sometimes it's too much.  I just want to stop, the stress, the pressure, the insane schedule, the pain in my body.  And I need to grieve what I am missing- always you. 

When I am away too often I do that with liquor.  Last night….last night I woke up and watched you sleeping.  I thought about the perfect day we had.  I came to watch the waves and I  was overcome…. With regret….with gratitude… a thousand other feelings.  I just needed to process it all. “

You gently kissed him and nodded for him to continue.

“And the guilt…I am so stupid for telling you this, after I sacrificed you….us, to get to this place.  I will never forgive myself “  he whispered, his eyes filled with pain and regret.

You wanted to kiss him, to stop the hate filled words, but you knew he had to get them out.

“And then, I always think of them.  They really are more than brothers to me.  And I think about what we do and the things we get to see and the people we touch.  And then it hits like another wave.  We won't always be like this.  It will end, we will end.  I have to treasure every second”

Jin suddenly leaned into kiss you.

“Thank you…thank you for always being there, not judging me or thinking I am weak.  Thank you for giving me strength to carry on when we are apart. Thank you for loving me through the darkness”

You struggled against the tears forming and lost.  He reached and gently wiped them away.

“I love you Jin.  I hate that you go thru this alone…” you started.

He interrupted you saying “No more.  I want you to help me,  need you like I needed you last night"

You nodded and kissed him with tenderness that sealed your promise.

“ The good news?” he continued. “ I feel so renewed and recommitted right now.  Like my purpose is clear.  I just have to purge those emotions sometimes.”

You nodded as you crawled into his lap.  You had to feel for yourself that he was truly ok. 

He sensed your need to reconnect and kissed you with growing hunger.  As the need grew in both of you his hands fell to the buttons on your pajama top.

Stopping he looked down and frowned, then burst into his distinctive laugh.

“Are you wearing RJ pajamas?” he asked with narrowed eyes.

Your eyes widened at his look and you nodded, biting your bottom lip.

“Get them off" he growled, and proceeded to undress you himself.

Your body was already responding to Jin, but you were surprised at how quickly he had you naked and in his arms. 

There was a need and an aggression that you had never seen before in him.

He was muttering possessive  words in your ear. His kisses were hard and greedy, his hands gripped your thighs and wrapped them around him as he headed for the bed. 

He kissed and bit his way down your throat and sucked hard on the spot on your collarbone, already turning it angry and red.  Whatever remnant Jin had of his battle in the night he was releasing into your body.  You held him tight, eager to relieve him of all lingering traces.

Jin felt his passion and need flare in him like he had rarely experienced.  He realized that you had truly seen him last night, stripped emotionally bare and vulnerable.  He had dared speak his darkest thought and you had embraced him rather than turning away or ridiculing him. 

This glorious morning he needed nothing more than to bury himself so deeply in you that those burdens would truly be shared. 

He grew frantic to have you.  A part of him cautioned he was being too rough and that he needed to slow down.  The other part heard your deep moans and catches of breath and he hardened even more, desperate to have you.