Panic Attack

Chapter 9 : Pressure to be perfect

Chapter 9        

Later...

Nicole POV

I was in the middle of homework when Riker knocked on my window. So I opened it.

"Can we talk?" Riker asked, sounding nervous.

"Of course!"

He held his hand out, so I took it. He helped me out the window and then we sat down beside each other.

"So I went to the doctor's today..."

"How'd it go?"

"Well... They took my blood to be positive that I have anxiety and not something else. And then if I do, I need to pick therapy or medication. So... I don't know what I'm going to do..."

"Is there one you would prefer?"

"I don't know. I'm not crazy about the medication idea or talking to someone I don't know..."

He still had my hand in his, so I intertwined our fingers.

"I'm sure everything will be ok in the end," I said, softly.

Riker was silent, so I looked up at him and realized his eyes were full of tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Riker dropped my hand and pulled his knees to his chest.

"I'm just so anxious, and I don't know what to do!"

He buried his face in his knees, so I put my arm around him and started rubbing his back.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked, quietly.

"I don't know! I don't even know what I should do!"

I kept rubbing his back until he eventually calmed down again.

"I'm sorry... I'm such a mess."

"It's fine, Riker. Everybody has their moments."

He sighed. I can tell he's really upset and his cheeks are still bright pink from his crying.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, softly.

"I don't even know what to say..."

"Well what's making you anxious?"

"I missed school today, so I'm going to have a ton of catch up work. And my dad is putting a ton of pressure on me to be the leader since I'm the oldest, and I need to be working harder, and writing more lyrics, and being a good role model... I just feel like it's too much! But the rest of my siblings are completely fine, so I feel like I'm just being lazy or complaining! But it just feels like I never have enough time for anything! I don't understand how none of my siblings feel the same way!"

He was starting to cry again, so I pulled him into a tight hug.

"Have you told your parents about this?"

"I talked about it a little..."

"Maybe you should tell them what you just told me."

"I know, but I'm worried my dad is just going to think that I'm lazy and that I'm not working hard and just making excuses... I just don't think it'll go over well."

"It's worth a shot, isn't it?"

"I guess... Maybe I'll talk to him after dinner."

He sighed and we broke apart from the hug.

"I promise it'll all turn out ok in the end. I know you're worried, but if you tell your parents, they'll help you fix the problems."

Later...

Riker POV

I was trembling slightly in my seat. Here goes nothing, I guess...

"Hey mom and dad?" I asked.

"What, honey?" Mom asked.

"Could I talk to both of you for a few minutes?" I asked.

Dad and I were still at the kitchen table, but mom was cleaning up from dinner. But she sat down at the table with us. I felt super nervous.

"So um... I think I might know a few of the things making me anxious..."

"Oh, ok what are they?" Mom asked.

"Well... I'm the oldest, so I guess I just feel a lot of pressure to be a good leader and role model and stuff. And that's fine. But I just feel like it's pressure to be perfect and work hard and write more lyrics and all these things, and it's just making me so miserable!"

Mom gave dad a look.

"I told you that you were being too hard on him," mom said.

"Riker, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm pressuring you to be perfect. I'm just trying to make sure everybody is working hard so you guys can keep rising up and gaining more fans."

"I know. But could you just go a little bit easier on me? Please?"

"Sure. I didn't realize it was making you so anxious."

"Thanks."

I got up and hugged my parents and then went upstairs.

Later...

Riker POV

It dawned on me that I had school tomorrow. And I became even more anxious. 

So I decided to go find mom. She was in the kitchen drinking tea.

"Hey, mom?"

"What, honey?"

"What do I do if I have a panic attack in class tomorrow?"

"Well... How about you just try taking some deep breaths to calm yourself down?"

"But what if I start crying?"

"You could ask your teacher if you could go to the bathroom and just stay there until it's over."

"Ok..."

Mom came over and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, Riker."

"Well I'm sure I'm going to have a panic attack."

"Over the next few days, we'll start talking about some options to help, ok?"

"Ok, mom..."

"Why don't you go get some sleep?"

"Ok. Night, mom."

"Goodnight, Riker."

I went up to my room. Rocky was in the shower, so I was all alone. I got into bed, and fell asleep pretty quickly.