Panic Attack

Chapter 10 : Panic attack in class

Chapter 10

The next day...

Riker POV      

My worst fear was coming true. I was having a panic attack in class.

We were just taking notes right now, so I tried to just take a bunch of deep breaths to calm myself down. 

But I could feel my face burning from embarrassment and I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate.

I bit my lip hard. Really hard. I don't know what to do. I want to ask my teacher if I can go to the bathroom so I can get out of here, but I'm too embarrassed because I'm breathing so crazy.

I tried to make my breathing as quiet as possible so nobody would notice, and I don't think anybody did, but I still felt embarrassed.

I couldn't stop hyperventilating, so I took a really deep breath and then held it for as long as I could, trying to force myself to breathe slower.

And it eventually worked.

But I was really tired and freaked out. I really didn't want to have any more panic attacks today.

Later...

Riker POV

I took the bus home with Nicole. She didn't know about my panic attack today yet because it happened after lunch and lunch is the only class we have together.

"So how was the rest of your day?" Nicole asked.

"Not good."

"Why? Did you have a panic attack?"

"Yeah."

"Really? You were fine this morning."

"I know. I don't know what happened."

"So what did you do?"

"My mom said to take deep breaths, so I tried that, but it wasn't working and I was so scared everyone would hear me hyperventilating, so I just held my breath a bunch of times until it went away."

"Interesting technique... But I'm glad it worked."

"I was so scared for the rest of the day that it would happen again."

"Did it?"

"No... But I'm still super anxious."

"Did you talk to your parents last night?"

"Yeah. My dad said he'd go easier on me. And it made me feel a little better. But I'm still scared about having panic attacks at school and during concerts and stuff. I'm literally anxious about being anxious."

"Aw..."

"When we get home I want to go to the treehouse. Will you come with me?"

"Sure."

I sighed. Nicole took my hand in hers and intertwined our fingers. She held my hand until we got home. And then we went to the treehouse.

We both sat down beside each other.

"I love being here so much..." I mumbled.

"Why?"

"It just makes me feel so much more relaxed for some reason."

"It's like your safe place."

"Yeah."

I sighed and leaned back against the wall and shut my eyes.

"Are you going to be ok?" Nicole asked.

I sighed again.

"I don't know..."

"Why?"

"It's just making me miserable to feel this anxious. And having a panic attack in class is one thing, but I can't imagine having a panic attack during an interview or concert."

"Ok... But aren't you going to talk to your parents about either going to a therapist or getting medication?"

"Yeah, but usually those things take a little while to start working. So I don't know what I'm going to do if my dad schedules an interview or concert before then."

"Oh..."

"And it feels like I never get a break from the anxious feelings. Like they're constantly here. Even now."

"Did playing hockey help?"

"I guess maybe a little... Until I got hurt."

"Ok, so maybe doing things you like help. What else do you like to do?"

"I like to watch movies."

"Ok, so do you want to have a movie night?"

I smiled.

"Yeah."

"Ok, we'll see if that helps you."

I wrapped my arms around Nicole.

"Thanks for trying to help me."

"Of course, Riker."

Later...

Nicole POV

I knocked on Riker's window. He told me to meet him here for our movie night.

But when he opened the window, he looked upset.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Come here."

He took my hand and we both sat on his bed.

"My dad told me that we have a show on Friday night."

"So... Are you going to do it?"

"He told me I have to because I missed the last one. And I don't want to miss another show, but I'm scared I'll have a panic attack. I don't know what to do if I have one during the show."

"Did you ask your parents?"

"They just told me I'll be fine, and my mom said once the show starts I won't even be anxious anymore because I love performing. But I'm still really worried."

"Aw..."

I put my arm around Riker and started lightly rubbing circles on his back.

"Can we just watch a movie now so I can try to forget about all this?"

"Sure."

Riker put a movie on his laptop and pulled some blankets over us. He curled into my side with his head on my shoulder.

"Wait," Riker said, pausing the movie.

"What?"

"Would you want to come to the show? Maybe you could help keep me calm."

"Sure. I can try."

"Yay!"

He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I kissed his forehead.

"So are we like a couple?" Riker asked.

"If that's what you want us to be."

"Yeah," he said, smiling.

He shut his eyes and sighed.

"Are you feeling any better? You seem more relaxed now."

"Yeah. I'm happy you're coming to the show."

He hit play on the movie again.

"Wake me up if I fall asleep," he mumbled.

"Ok."