The Lovebird and the Pun-King

Chapter One: Having Such A Gourd Time

"Did you see what they did to the yard?"

Humming along to your favourite song on your phone, you can't help but pause as one earbud slips out.

Darnit, I really should get around to replacing these. You sigh, reaching to push the cheap thing back into your ear. Your actual airpods had 'mysteriously' gone missing a couple of weeks earlier when your ex had come to pick up the last of his stuff whilst you were out. A total coincidence my ass.

"Oh my god, yes. Who still has Christmas decorations up in February, let alone Halloween!"

Glancing over your shoulder once again, you see that the two gossiping women are still blocking the only free till. You had only dropped in to pick up a few essentials, but it looked like your quick shop and dash would be dragging on for a lot longer if they didn't get a move on.

Seriously. Who cares about someone leaving their decorations out for a little longer than usual? Just move out of the way. Some of us have places to be.

"Didn't you hear? They only put them up last weekend."

"No!"

"Hm-hm. I heard there were trying to lure kids in with candy and everything."

"What is the neighbourhood coming to these days?"

Shooting one last, longing look at the soda the two women were still blocking, you sigh again. It's not like you really need it to have a movie night all by yourself. Again.

Maybe I'll just pick up some vodka or something? I should still have some amaretto left...I'll just grab another couple of pints of milk and, voila! White Russians. Who needs stupid soda anyway.

---

It had been a long week. If you were being honest with yourself, it had been a long six freaking months. First, you'd caught the asshole sexting with some colleague of his. Don't think of her as a homewrecking bitch. It's not her fault the bastard didn't mention he was already seeing someone. How was she supposed to know? Then, he'd begged you to stay. It'll never happen again my ass.

You'd caught him with his tongue down another girl's throat and his hand up her frankly awesome Lapis cosplay skirt at your own damn Halloween party. Somehow, it became your fault for working too many hours and being 'emotionally unavailable' and 'insensitive to his needs'.

You... still have no idea how he thought he could swing that one; sure, you worked a lot of hours, but you had to. How else were you going to afford bills, student loan repayments, and to keep your junker of a car running otherwise? It's not like he ever offered to split the bill with you 50-50 or anything.

"It's your name on the mortgage, why should I have to pay half?" He'd always said. What a dick.

Trying to get him to move out had been... painful, in more ways than one.

It's over and done with now. Don't dwell on the past.

Still, it seemed like your streak of bad luck wasn't over yet. With a hold on paid overtime and still a good two weeks before your next payday, of course today day of all the days had to be when your piece of crap of a car finally gave up the ghost and stopped working.

Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. At least it's Friday; that give me, like, two whole days of cocktails, the Netflix marathon to end all marathons, plus time to clean the place up a bit. Maybe if I take in a lodger or something, I might be able to replace ol' rusty.