Home For Christmas

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"So do you have any other things you wanna do that are straight out of a romance novel?" Newt laughed as he spoke between kisses.

"I'm alright with just this." Hermann replied pulling him closer as he straightened up so they were both standing once again rather than leaning into the strange dip.

"Yeah." Newt nodded. "No yeah, just doing this is good." He agreed, sighing in content. They kissed in the warm glow of the fire and swayed back and forth to the sounds of Frank Sinatra. The smile on Newt's face slowly faded and his brows furrowed as a slight frown became apparent. He quickly shook his head and had a smile back on his face.

"Are you alright?" Hermann asked tilting his head to better look at Newt.

"No yeah I'm fine I just-" He waved his hand in the air and shook his head. "I'm fine." He repeated with a smile. "I'm just being dumb." He smiled again.

"You are not dumb." Hermann said very seriously. "What's wrong, schatz?" He asked softly after a pause. Newt took a moment to admire the softness in Hermann's voice and to feel how his whole body filled with warmth hearing Hermann call him sweetheart.

"I was just thinking about my dad and my uncle." Newt said honestly. "Just hoping they aren't worried or calling me or anything. I mean I'm not supposed to be there yet so they probably aren't worried but it's- it's just weird not to be with them right now." He shrugged. "I mean, you know how it is." He motioned vaguely with his hand.

"I guess I can assume it would feel strange if this is the first time you're breaking tradition." Hermann said pausing for a moment. "With the addition of it being unintentional." He added.

"I mean I've been late before and I'm not even late yet so it's no big deal but it's just weird." He gave a slight shrug and Hermann nodded. "When's the last time, if you don't mind my asking, the last time you spent Christmas with your family?" Newt asked cautiously. Hermann sighed in response and Newt wished he hadn't asked.

"It's been... quite some time." Hermann said after some thought. "Even as a child there wasn't much of a celebration in terms of Christmas. It was just my father showing off and trying to upstage the rest of the family. I was either bragged about and shown off like some type of trophy or used as an example of something holding him back." Hermann spoke slowly as if this wasn't something he'd discussed before. The swaying had stopped.

"I'm-" Newt paused and Hermann looked away. "So sorry." Hermann turned back in shock. "That sounds horrible and I am so sorry you had to go through that alone." He shook his head as he spoke, his eyes soft and full of concern.

"I wasn't completely alone." Hermann immediately tried to make things seem like they hadn't been as bad as he had made them sound. As if he was just being dramatic and hadn't been neglected throughout the entirety of his childhood. "I did have..." He cut himself off, trying to find the right word. "Siblings."

"Oh, do you guys still..." Newt trailed off not wanting to finish the question.

"Talk?" Hermann finished it for him. "No, we don't." He said stiffly.

"I never had a brother or sister." Newt tried to make things lighter. "What was that like?"

"I can't quite say." Hermann replied honestly. "The relationship that we had was irregular to say the least." Newt nodded in understanding and smiled softly, giving his shoulder a small squeeze, as if encouraging him to continue. "We did not bond in the way that most brothers and sisters are expected to so we've never really had a relationship that would compel me to miss them."

"Have you ever spent Christmas with real family?" Newt asked looking up with the same softness as before.

"May I ask what you mean by 'real family'?" Hermann raised an eyebrow.

"You know, the people you love. Your best friends or neighbors or lab parents or whatever. Your real family, like the people you care about and the people that care about you." Newt smiled softly.

"I don't think I have anyone like that."

"That can't be true." Newt shook his head. "Everyone matters to someone." He said firmly. "You matter to me." He added. "And I know I can't be it. You were kind enough to let a stranger into your house during a snowstorm. I know I can't be the only person you've been kind to." He said pointedly. "You can tell me to shut up if I'm wrong but you seem like the kind of person who doesn't realize how much your kindness effects people and how much you mean to the people you interact with." Hermann didn't respond. He couldn't think of how to respond. "Judging by that look alone I'm thinking I'm right. I'm also thinking no one's really brought this up before." He smiled sadly as he searched Hermann's face. "Or someone has..." he trailed off for a moment. "and you didn't believe them."

Hermann pulled back a bit, stepping away. Newt let his hands fall away from Hermann as his face fell. He kept a neutral expression with kindness in his eyes.

"Hermann I-" Newt reached out to touch his arm.

"What makes you think-" Hermann flinched backwards. "What makes you think you know anything about me?" He had his hands curled in front of his stomach as if readying himself to defend against the presence of something unknown.

"I wasn't trying to say I know-"

"You haven't even been here a week and you assume you know me? I matter to you? You've known me for a mere two days."

"I'm just trying to say that-"

"You know nothing about me! You think I'm some wondrously kind person just because I let you in! I could've just as easily left you out in the snow!"

"I know that!" Newt yelled. He had been looking down but he raised his eyes to meet Hermann's and he was blinking back tears. "Of course I know that." He repeated, taking a deep breath. "Yes, you could've just as easily left me out to freeze to death. But," He paused. "But you didn't. You chose to be kind and you chose to open your door and you chose to lead me to your phone and you chose to let me stay the night and you chose to let me eat dinner with you and sit by the fire and sing and dance with you. You chose to show me kindness and warmth. You chose to show me generosity and compassion. So yeah," He swallowed and wiped at his eyes in annoyance. "I've only been here for a few days, but I still care about you and you do matter to me." He said pointedly."I don't want to make this about me but you make it sound so unbelievable that I'd care about you... do you not care about me?"

"Of course I do." Hermann replied immediately shaking his head, taking a step closer. "It's not that people can't care for one another in that period of time it's just that-"

"It's you." Newt finished for him. Hermann closed his mouth then sighed, nodding.

"It's me." He replied quietly.

"You're not unlovable." Newt said suddenly, Hermann looked shocked before a sad soft smile appeared on his face. "And I know that saying won't just suddenly change you mind but it's true." He nodded to himself. "You're a wonderful person." He added. "You're just..." He paused trying to think of the right thing to say. "You're just having a hard time getting to know you." They looked at each other silently for a bit before Newt spoke again. "And I don't know you well but I can say with certainty that you're missing out on a really great guy."

"You're a prat, do you know that?" Hermann laughed, a genuine smile appearing on his face. Newt smiled so wide his eyes were almost closed. Hermann our a hand on his cheek and Newt held it there.

"I know you're insulting me but if it keeps you smiling you can call me old man insults all day." He smiled.

"Old man?" Hermann scoffed, jokingly affronted... well probably jokingly.