wrong number | namkook

yikes,,

hey guys

so stanning bts is the best decision I've ever made.

i've learned to love myself

and they've helped me understand myself and the world i occupy.

it's been such an honor.

it's been hard in my life, because my family has been very toxic towards one another, bts was my one escape.

i made an account on instagram to spread my love for each of my boys. i've made an army amino. i've deleted family pictures to have more storage to have more room to save bts pictures. to me, bts was family, more than my own. they were the family i needed.

so of course my indian ass family would NOT accept my instagram account. i've made so many wonderful friends through bts, and my parents were ashamed that i was talking to strangers and looking at such "horrific" images.

i was a disgrace to them for being the first person in my family to actually have a hobby other than studying and being a stuck-up smartass.

it's broken my heart how difficult it is to like bts.

haha, my mom walked in just now to ask if I've been on any social media today. i'm not supposed to have any.

she's put restrictions on my phone, but i was so eager just to see one picture, one post, about bts that it took many tries to figure it out.

i would download instagram and delete it every day, then redownload it in the morning; then change the restrictions back to normal. it's been 7 months of this. she's gone through my phone multiple times, i got in big big trouble 3 times.

it's obvious to say i'm a failure to them, now. bts has made my life hard, but at the same time they're the ones who gave me life.

i hope you understand where i'm coming from

it's so, so, so, heartbreaking to say that i'll be forgetting bts.

i've deleted instagram for good, and i am trying my hardest to ignore them. i'm trying to make my parents proud. my mother said she doesn't trust me anymore.

yes; i love them so much, they've made my life just so much, better. i could never be able to thank them.

but it's too hard.

it's too hard to like a band.

there's so much anger in me knowing the one thing i like, i can't have. it's so frustrating. i know i'll be living the rest of my life in regret, and i'm going to hate it.

without any social media at all, how can i know anything about my boys, how can i live without them? i wouldn't get any updates, i would be blind. it's better off just to forget about them instead of disappointing my family even more.

thank you to everyone who's been so kind to me, but i'll be leaving.

i wanted to publish a story called "wings; the end of bangtan", about them finally disbanding. i've only done the intro, i'm going to put it below.