Oi, Reggie!

The Howler

Valentine's day was here. Thus began my annual day of humiliation whereby the Gryffindork Potter would attempt to win my affection.

I wouldn't mind if he went about it in the traditional fashion- a card, some chocolates, flowers I'd pretend to hate but keep... but no. This was James "Prongs" Potter, the idiot friend of my idiot brother, the illegal deer, the annoying Quidditch show-off. So every year, his attempts to win my affection became more and more humiliating.

I glared over at him, hoping that somehow he took my glare as a warning. But I ended up staring, then my elbow slipped from under me- I was resting my chin on my hand- and my hand went in my breakfast, leading to an eruption of laughter. I sighed heavily, cleaning the food from my hand before awaiting the morning owls. I had no doubt in my mind that something would happen.

And sure enough, it did. Because rather than owls, twenty white doves flew in, dumping rainbow rose petals over me, much to my humiliation, but finally one of them dropped a letter. Oh no. This was no ordinary letter. This was a howler. I decided not to open it, but the first year who had squeezed herself next to me because I 'seemed cool' reached over and snatched the letter. I sighed in defeat and let her open it.

"OI REGGIE! ROSES ARE RED, GRASS IS GREEN, I LIKE YOUR LEGS, LET ME SUCK WHAT'S IN BETWEEN!"

I was dead. The hall erupted into laughter. My Slytherin comrades jeered. A horrified group of Hufflepuffs had lost their innocence upon hearing that. A group of Gryffindors were chanting "DO IT!" The Ravenclaws were debating the creativity of the poem and laughing loudly.

Dumbledore shouted "TEN POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!"

McGonagall shouted "TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

Overall it was embarrassing and I wished I could disappear. I facepalmed the table- a little too hard- and groaned. This was going to be a long and embarrassing day to say the least. Finally, one of James's doves pooped on McGonagall, earning the idiot a detention.

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The Chocolates

Transfiguration class. Right after the seventh years. Oh no. James smirked as he walked out and I just knew he'd done something. I walked in slowly, making sure to bump shoulders with my brother to say I was still mad at him- and looked around. There was nothing unusual about the classroom. I couldn't see any traps. Oh Good Godric, what had the prat done? I sat in my usual seat and scanned the room more carefully and still saw nothing- I forgot to look up.

Chocolates rained down, wrapped individually in the colours of the rainbow- and they did not stop falling, at all. The class laughed and cheered- some tried to take them but found them seemingly impossible to lift. McGonagall took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose with a deep sigh- she was as sick of his shit as I was. I picked up a chocolate carefully and unwrapped it, the wrapper turning into a rose petal. I tried the chocolate- it was not a prank, there was no vomiting or warts or turning purple- it was just a chocolate. And it tasted kind of nice. Plus it was in the shape of a rose which was kind of romantic.

No, this was not working on me, dammit!

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The Paper Roses

I was finally in the courtyard, suspiciously awaiting the next stupid attempt to win me over. I sat awkwardly on one of the benches, looking around to see nothing. I breathed a sigh of relief- that was, until the doves returned. Oh no. The whole courtyard turned to stare. A thestral that had wondered to the courtyard was staring. And the doves began to drop origami flowers- roses- multicolour paper raining down on me, forming a formidable pile on the floor. I  turned puce with embarrassment, hiding my face in my hands, the pile of roses up to knee height. I picked one up, noticing words on the petals.