State of Grace

Chapter 2

Right now I didn't even know what to think. Walking in behind Jake was my ex-boyfriend, Nate. We were together for almost a year. He broke up with me 2 weeks before our one year for no real reason. Sounds awful doesn't it?

Why was he here? My friends knew exactly what happened, so why would they put me through this?

Nate didn't seem to know what to do either. He stopped besides Jake. I was able to recover quickly, but not fast enough. I am beyond pissed off right now.

Payton then came up behind me and linked arms with me. "Let's get going," she smiled.

We made our way to the movie. My friends made sure that I sat down next to Nate. Great. He was sitting on my left while Payton was on my right.

I tried to focus on the movie, but the awkward tension was getting so hard to handle. I'm so nervous, and being this close to him again was making my heart beat fast and heavy. I still love him, but I hate him for what he did.

My arm was on the arm rest while he gently grabbed my hand and pulling me towards him just a little.

He came close to my face. "Are you okay?" He whispered. I looked at him not really knowing what to say.

"Yeah?"

"You seem upset."

"I wonder why." I rolled my eyes and pulled my hand away.

"Can we talk later?" He asked.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because I just really want to."

"Well okay." What could he possibly have to say? I don't want to talk to him. He broke my heart. But of course my curiousity will force me to talk to him instead of going with my gut feeling of not talking to him. I mean yeah I love him, and would love to be with him again. But I mean, if you break up with someone who has been everything for you for no reason then you should just stay out of their life.

When the movie was over we walked out not really knowing what to do next. We were outside thinking of what to do, but all I wanted was to go home honestly.

The guys were all talking about something while me and Payton were standing there. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side.

"What is your problem?" I asked.
She face dropped. "What?"

I rolled my eyes. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Why would you do that to me?"

"I wasn't going to allow it, but Nate really wanted to see and talk to you. I don't know why. Jake and Sam set the whole thing up," she explained.

"Doesn't even matter. You're my best friend and I thought you would at least give me a heads up." I said.

"I'm sorry," she said looking down.

That's when the boys came closer to us.

We all started towards our cars, and Sam and Jake went into Payton's car.

That's when Nate grabbed my elbow tugging me closer to him.

"I can take you home," he said.

"Uh it's okay, Payton can."

"C'mon Kris, you said we can talk," he reminded me.

I looked at him. "Okay," I said. I looked back at my friends and waved goodbye.

I then followed behind Nate and got into his car. He started the car and drove out of the parking lot.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Good, I guess."

"Just good?"

"Yeah... How about you?" I asked.

"I've been pretty good." He said.

Why this so awkward? I hated this. I just want to be home, like literally I don't want to talk to him.

"So enough of the small talk. What did you want to say?" I asked looking over at him.

"Well," he's hesitant to talk now. "Honestly, I miss you."

My heart started to beat fast. What do I say? I mean yes I miss him like crazy, but I'm almost over him. I don't want to be with him anymore even though a part of me still loves him.

"Why?" I asked.

That threw him off. "What do you mean why?" he asked.

"Why do you miss me? I mean you're the one who broke up with me randomly."

"I miss you, because I realized I was being stupid and realized how perfect you were for me. And I want to talk to you again, be with you again, and I know you won't want that, but I'm willing to do anything and wait as long as it takes to be with you again," he explained.

As he finished his explantation he pulled in front of my house. He turned off the car and then turned to face me. He grabbed my hand with both of his waiting for me to respond.

What do I say to that? I honestly don't even know what to think, because my feelings for him are getting in the way of all the thoughts that have ran through my head since the day he broke up with me.

"Why?" I whispered looking down.

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why'd you break up with me? I thought we were perfect. I thought you loved me." I whispered again.

"Of course I loved you Kristina. There will always be a part of me that will love you. I don't know why I broke up with you; I guess I just wasn't into it anymore there," he said.

Right there that pissed me off. He loved me but wasn't into it? That's bullshit.
"Okay Nate. Well you can miss me all you want, but I'm not into the whole idea of being with you, so goodbye." With that I got out of the car, slammed the door, and walked towards my house.

Seriously fuck him. No way will I be with him again.

I went up to my room and got ready for bed. I changed into sweatpants and a shirt and pulled my hair up into a bun. I washed my face and teeth and finally crawled into bed.

I laid there replaying my night. Should I talk to him again? I'm still attracted to him, obviously. But he broke my heart, because he was bored. Ugh this is so annoying.

Maybe we can just be friends and go on from there. If I'm feeling it then okay maybe I'll rethink everything. But for now I'll just be friends.

I guess I'll just talk to him later about it.

I curled up in my blanket and finally after a long day, I dozed off to my own silent place.