Red Like Rubies

Nightmares

The next days were passing by without any special incidents. Joseph's cold got better. He went to therapy and always helped Juanita with the cooking. The two of them teamed up made the best food in the world and not only Lily was very pleased about that.

"I feel like I'm in a restaurant.", Sebastian muttered after dinner and leaned back in his chair. "I'm so full."

"I'm glad you liked it." Joseph stood up and took the empty plates. "I wasn't sure about the mixture first."

"He is a liar.", Juanita said. "He just doesn't want to brag."

After they cleared up the kitchen Myra brought Lily to bed and Sebastian accompanied Joseph to his room. They agreed in him just coming with him and saying good night every day. Apparently this was enough for Joseph and Sebastian didn't question it because he definitely preferred to stay in his bed.

"Where did you learn to cook like this?", Sebastian asked while Joseph took off his shirt.

"My grandfather taught me. He was a passionate cook. And... well he got sick and couldn't do it anymore so I had to do everything." Joseph smiled a little and put on his T-shirt.

"You were alone with him?"

"Yes. Yet another page I'd love to rip out of my life-story." Joseph looked at him. "He died and I couldn't do anything to help. I called the ambulance but..." He shook his head. "Never mind."

Sebastian pulled him into a tight hug. "Right when I think I know all the cruel stuff that happened to you, you're dropping another bomb."

"I'm sorry." Joseph leaned his head against his chest. "But there isn't much happy stuff to tell."

"What about... your first kiss?"

Joseph blinked and looked at him. "Excuse me?"

"I mean... that's surely a happy memory, right?"

"I don't think so." Joseph moved away from him.

"What? Not even that?" Sebastian rested a hand on his shoulder.

"He just made fun of me. Got paid for it. That's not happy at all."

"Jesus Christ..." Sebastian sighed. "Isn't there anything? Anything that still makes you smile?"

"It's standing right in front of me."

Sebastian needed a few seconds to get it. "You... you mean...?"

"You." Joseph smiled at him. "You always make me smile."

"Unless you're mad at me."

"Even then." Joseph hugged him again. "I never had friends. I'm not good with people and most of them think I'm awkward. I'm bad with touching. I actually hate contact. I always wear gloves because I can't stand bacteria. I don't drink. I don't party. I'm a mess. I'm depressed and suicidal. I can get very moody. I'm gay and I hate myself for it. I actually hate myself for everything. So... I don't even get why you're still enjoying my company."

"Because you're so much more than that." Sebastian stroked though his hair. "But... you never told me that you don't like to be touched."

"You can touch me. As long as there is some fabric between us."

"Oh, now I get why you sent me off to put on a shirt."

Joseph nodded a little. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be. You could have just said."

"I..." Joseph sighed. "I don't want to... It's just..."

"It's okay. I know now." Sebastian padded his shoulder.