Today was the cookout. I was happy we had a little balcony where we could have a grill, but I wasn't looking forward to who would be here. I changed into a black skater skirt. And then a burgundy top. I brushed my hair out, ad put on a flower crown. I did my makeup quickly, then slid some shoes on. I grabbed my phone and turned some music on. Music always helped me when I was nervous or upset. The City by The 1975 came on. "Don't call it a fight when you know that it is war." I sang, "If you wanna find love then you know where the city is." I danced around the room, cleaning it up a bit. I heard someone giggling. I turned to see Ashton. I blushed, "I uh.. Umm.." He walked over to me, putting his arms around my waist. I looked down at the space between us. His finger pushed my head off so I would meet his gaze. "It was cute." He said smiling. I giggled, "Thanks.." His lips slammed into mine, causing me to get pushed against the wall. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair. His kisses moved to my jawline, moving towards my ear. He nibbled on my ear. "You look beautiful today." He whispered, and then kissed my cheek. I giggled again. "And you look handsome today." I complimented. He smiled taking my hand. On the way out I snatched my phone off the stand. It was now playing American Idiot by Green Day, but the one the boys covered. I bit my lip when Michael started singing. "So.." Ashton said, as we got into the kitchen. I looked up at him. "So?" I asked, putting o a fake smile. Ethan came running in, "Mommy! Ashton!! There's a monster under my bed! Its gonna eat us!" He said, running behind us. We looked at each other for a moment. "A monster?" I asked. He nodded, eagerly. "I'll go see." I said. "No mommy! It'll eat you!" He said. I bit my lip trying to hide my smile. "How about Ashton comes with me, and if it does it can eat him?" I said. He nodded. "But I don't wanna be eaten!" He objected. I rolled my eyes pulling him towards Ethan's room. We checked under the bed. Nothing. I sighed. We walked out to the kitchen again. "Bud there isn't anything in there." I said. he just sat there. Soon the other boys were here. Ashton started the food on the grill. Michael had brought that girl.. Calum and his girl friend, Xena were sitting on the couch, giggling. She was actually pretty nice when you got to talking to her. Luke was over with Ethan laughing about something. And then there was Michael.. And that girl.. I sighed, standing up. "I'll be back, babe." I said to Ashton, kissing his cheek. He said a quick goodbye, before talking to Luke's girlfriend again. They were talking about some celebrity wedding. I walked into my bathroom. Sighing and looking in the mirror. I looked the same as always. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I need to change my look. I decided I would. I washed my hands quickly and joined everyone else. Ash had finished cooking, ad they were all sitting around talking. Laughing. I grabbed a plate and put some food on it. Sitting next to Ashton. And just my luck, Michael's 'friend'. I ate my food, not joining any conversations. I sat there thinking. Thinking of why I had to get pregnant at a young age. Though I would never give Ethan up. Thinking about why I had to obsess over this band when I was a teenager. Of why they were all at my house. They could be at any girls house, but they were at mine. That must mean something right? No it doesn't one of the band mates "fell in love with me". Maybe love wasn't real. Maybe it was just something people liked to think was real. Believe it was real. So they wouldn't think they were all alone. Maybe I really didn't love Michael. Maybe it was just me wanting to belong somewhere. If love wasn't real I was perfectly happy staying with Ash. He made me laugh, smile, and happy. Maybe that is what 'love' is. Maybe its just being happy. Not relying on someone to have every night. To sleep with. To marry. But someone to just make you happy. To make you smile when you need it. Not marriage. Not a family, but happiness. But nobody really knows if its real. maybe it is an obsession with another person. Another person that has that much of an obsession over you. That's what I had with Michael. An obsession. I thought that I needed to marry him, because I was 'in love' with him. But I wasn't. What I felt for Ashton, maybe that was love. Maybe he was the guy I needed. That I would be with. So why do I always think about Michael? Is it the fact that you never get over an obsession? I was pulled out of my thoughts, when I heard my name called. I looked up to see Michael staring at me. he sat down beside me. "Listen I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you at the wedding. It was a dick move. I'm sorry. I still love you.." He said looking at the floor. I scoffed, "You wanna know what I was just thinking about? How much I don't love you! If you loved me, you would have talked to me! I didn't have any idea Ash liked me! I never thought I would like him either! But I do! He makes me happy, smile, and laugh. You.. You left too many times. You made me worry about you, not knowing if you would cheat on me. Maybe you did. Oh and here's this!" I said pulling the ring off the counter and throwing it at him. "I don't love you Michael Gordon Clifford!" I yelled, walking away. I ran into someone on the way out. Ashton. "You actually do like me?" He croaked. I nodded, "Yeah I do. I just didn't know at first.. My feelings were everywhere." I said wrapping my arms around his waist. He pulled me closer, and put his chin on my head. We stood there for a while. Not moving, just enjoying each other. Maybe I did love Ashton Fletcher Irwin.. Maybe he should have been the guy I was obsessing over for those many years..
