past mistakes

Chapter One

Here I am, sitting on this absolutely uncomfortable black leather couch. The room I'm in is full of things like plants and mirrors and tissues.
You may ask yourself...why are there tissues...
well it's because I'm in my therapists office right now.
I can see her talking but I can't hear a word. She's a good therapist I guess.
But I can't talk about the same stuff over and over again. I'm getting tired of it.
Always the same questions like "how are you feeling today" or "have you had any episodes lately". I just stare at her and hope that she realises she's not gonna get anything out of me today. "Ok Sara this is going nowhere, let's just call it a day"

With a slight nod I get up and walk out if the office and to my car. I  get in and just sit there trying to remember the last time I felt truly happy. It's been a while. I'm only 18 years old. I shouldn't have to deal with this stuff. I 'm supposed to cry over bad grades, boy bands or some bullshit but no here I am just emotionless. How did it ever come this far. Well there's an easy answer to this question but that's a story for another day. I start the car and make my way home. Home.
Funny, isn't that supposed to be a place you feel safe, loved and comfortable. Well I don't feel any of that there. I just feel alone and lost but who cares. My parents apparently don't.
As I turn into my driveway I can already see my mother coming towards me. 'Fuck' is all I think.

"Hey Sara I have to go to an apointment I'll be back later"

"K" is all she gets back. This is so typical. No 'hey how was your day' or 'hey how are you' nope.
I walk into my house and go straight to my room because the only place I feel ok is in my bed deep under my blanket. I'm laying there staring at the blank white walls. I don't like posters or pictures. My thoughts begin to drift to the only person who ever made me feel loved and secure but who also hurt me like noone had. Alex. I wish I could go back and do so many things differently. If I had known what was gonna happen I'd probably stayed in bed that day. The best and worst day of my life. The day I met the what I thought would be the love of my life...