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Helping Others: 02/15/19

Previous updates have been mainly focusing on internal issues and things that you deal with by yourself, but the truth is that everyone is dealing with something. Just because they don't ask for help or talk about what difficulties they're having doesn't mean that those problems aren't there. Not everyone wants to include others in their hardships but at times there are those people that need a helping hand. For me personally I find it hard to know how to go about helping someone, I'm a creative person though and I like to figure things out, so of course I've done my best to learn how to approach people in need.

As hectic as my life has been lately I found myself relaxing a lot this week, there was hardly anything I needed to worry about. Other people in my life however found themselves overwhelmed with a lot to deal with. I decided that it was time for my constantly smiling face that somehow manages to pull things off with the proper mindset to work its magic. The thing is, the duty of helping people can be a hard one to manage. Here's how I personally did it:

1. Realize that things that you think are little can actually help someone tremendously!
My mother lives a crazy busy life and the past week has been no different. Because of this she found herself falling behind at home and the chores that needed to be done just kept piling up. Since I had nothing to do all week I found myself out of the house more than usual doing fun things that I enjoy. Last night rolled around and my mother finally had a moment to rest. Sadly though, there were chores that needed to be done. She was tired and procrastination set in. This morning it was announced that my school would be having a snow day, however my mom still had to trudge on into work. Since I had finally found myself at home with little to do, I decided to knock a few things off the chore list. By the time my mom had gotten home I had done practically everything that needed to be done. To me I was just doing a helpful thing out of snow day boredom. To my mother though, I had taken a major weight off of her back and helped her have a lot less to stress about.

2. It's important to show people that you appreciate them.
One of my friends is currently having a rough home life. For that situation there's really not much little ole' me can do, and I'm sure plenty of people have been in the same boat. This friend recently confessed that she felt bad for distancing herself from her friends, but it's understandable based on what she's going through. I thought it was crazy that she felt the need to apologize, and seeing as I'm a very vocal person when it comes to these kinds of things, I decided to make that clear. Later that day I shot her a text saying something along the lines of, "hey, we all love you and know what's going on, we know it's hard to give us your best when you're at a personal worst. We're not going anywhere just because of this so just know that we're here."

After our conversation she let me know that that had made her feel a lot better. She already had a lot to stress about and then she started stressing about how distant she was being with people. There was no need for her to worry about it and just letting it be known that people still love her ended up making my friend feel a lot better. The things said might seem obvious when you're not worried about things but to someone that's struggling it isn't that simple. Let people know you care, they might need to hear it!

3. It's important to understand that sometimes trying to force others to accept your help will just end up making things worse.
You know that feeling when you want to help someone but everything you try just seems to make them mad? I've been there. I like solving problems and helping people. I hate failure and struggle to accept it. When there's a problem I can't fix or help someone deal with it I feel like I'm the worst person ever. Lately I've gotten better about realizing that there are problems I am not capable of solving (including a whole lot of math problems). Sometimes people don't need anything, and at times they may even need nothing. I have a friend that is very logistical about every problem he faces and he likes to have time to think things through himself. Whenever he encounters a new dilemma though, I want to help. It's in my nature! The thing is, he doesn't need, nor does he want, my help all the time. Recently I finally got it into my head that he's a big boy and wants to work through things on his own. I can still talk to him while he does this but I have to understand that he's going to want his own space. I found that when I give him what he wants and don't try to forcefully help, he manages to work through things faster and more efficiently. By taking myself out of his personal bubble and "not helping" I actually helped him a lot. Various people are going to need help in various ways, it isn't a "one size fits all" kind of thing.

4. It's important to remember that helping someone is optional, getting frustrated that your attempt isn't working won't be of any benefit.
It can be easy to get upset when you're putting so much effort into something and it doesn't do any good. It's okay to be upset by it, but making it known to the person that you're trying to help isn't going to make anything better. In fact, it'll probably just make things worse. If you find yourself getting flustered, take a step back from the situation. If you're really determined to help then try a different approach or give yourself a bit to calm down. Causing more problems isn't going to get rid of the pre-existing issue at hand!

It's always great to help people but it's also not the easiest task to successfully complete. In the moment it can be hard to remember these four things but as long as you try to keep them in mind you might find yourself pushing forward just a little bit more. Now, go be helpful!