Shattered Souls | 18+

7. The Winter Soldier

"Buck? Are you awake?"

"Vitals are stable. Nerve response not yet active."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Is he having a heart attack?"

The voices are muffled, almost as though his head is being held under water. Bucky tries, but he can't—he can't breathe. His heart thuds furiously in his chest.

"It's not a heart attack, you idiots," comes a drawling voice to his left, the only voice he can hear clearly—it cuts through everything else. "It's a panic attack. And you're probably making it worse by crowding around him." The voice doesn't come any closer. "Get him to tell you three things he can hear, then three things he can see."

"Buck—hey, everything's gonna be okay. What are three things you can hear?"

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut. "I—I can hear footsteps coming from above us," he grits out.

"What else?" That voice again. There's something about it that draws Bucky in.

"Um—I—I can hear voices from one room over."

"One more."

The tension in his chest seems to relax a little, allowing small pockets of air into his lungs. "I can hear a heart beating faster than all the others. They're afraid. They're afraid of me—"

"Open your eyes, James."

He listens. The black spots that had been dotting his vision before have finally vanished. He breathes shakily in—then steadily out.

"He's stable now," says the voice. Bucky's eyes dart to where the owner of the voice stands—further away from him than anyone else in the room. As though she's afraid to get to close. Which makes perfect sense, Bucky reminds himself. The last time she saw him she was beaten half to death. Even so, Bucky's chest still stings at her defensive stance.

Steve—Bucky's shoulders ease at the sight of him—turns to Stark. "How did you know how to do that?"

Stark shrugs, then flicks a piece of lint off her shoulder. "I had a few anxiety attacks after New York. That snappy little technique stops them most of the time."

Silence follows. Then— "We should get to work on the arm."

Steve's eyes widen. "Already? But he just—"

"We need to attach it while his nerves are still sleeping. That way, as they wake up, they will connect easily with the artificial nerves Toni and I created." Bucky remembers the girl, though he can't quite place from where. His mind is clouded in a thick, dense fog. It's always like this after the chamber. "I'm Shuri, by the way. We met before you underwent Cryo, but I wouldn't expect you to remember."

Bucky holds out his hand. It's mostly out of habit, he tries to avoid physical contact as much as possible. Not because he doesn't want it. He simply doesn't deserve it. "Right. Sorry, everything's a little muddled."

"That'll clear over time."

"How are you feelin', Buck?" Steve's eyes are heavy with concern. Bucky stifles a wince. He's always been a burden to Steve. He'll always be a burden.

"I think I'm okay," he grits through clenched teeth when Steve helps him sit up. "Can't feel much of anything, actually."

"Like I said, your nerves are still sleeping. You'll regain feeling in them soon enough." Shuri gives him a warm smile he's sure he's not worthy of. "And by then you'll have a shiny new arm."

"Good to have you back, Barnes," says Sam, clapping Bucky on the shoulder. "I didn't necessarily miss you, but still." Bucky doesn't laugh. Doesn't even smile, even though he knows he probably should so Steve doesn't worry. His eyes are drawn back to Stark, who looms darkly across the room with her arms over her chest. She shifts under his gaze, and Bucky sees her wince with the movement. Is she hurt?