In My Sister's Shadow-Book II

12. Tirade

Tonight was the night. I had to sneak into the house grab Kash's business card and leave without being seen. However, when I heard dad's voice dominating the lounge, I knew this was mission impossible.
"I cannot tolerate the pathan in my grandchildren's life. I must protect them from the junglee. If he comes here, I will call the police. Zoh'ra doesn't understand, she is a woman, led by her emotions just like her mother. We are the men, we are guardians and we know men's nature. We have to protect her."
Dad called war on Zayn. With everyone in agreement he would never let Zayn back into our lives.
"Sooner we begin the divorce proceedings the better. When Zoh'ra married the pathan, I made sure the nikah nama included the divorce. She has the right to divorce him. It won't take much time, soon it will be over, and we can get on with our lives."
The word thalaak (divorce) pierced me straight through my chest. I couldn't bear thinking of cutting Zayn off in an instant. How would I convince my family?
Back in my room, I went through my suitcase throwing each item of clothing aside. The card had to be here. The quicker I found it the sooner I'd escape dad's wrath. Zara erupted into my bedroom with tears streaming down her cheeks racing for my bed.
"Nani-amma wants to pull my teeth out!" She hid under my blanket hiding from my mother. With a gap in her teeth, her milk teeth were wobbling one by one. Mum hurried behind her holding tissue in her hand.
"There you are." Mum gasped for breath after climbing the steps. "She's not letting me take her tooth out. It's practically falling out."
"No!" Zara yelled frightened under the blanket.
"I want daddy!" She cried.
The absence of her father amplified Zara's fears of taking her tooth out. Zayn had a knack of assuring her that if she took the tooth out, a tooth fairy would give her a gold coin and place it under her pillow. With that in mind, Zara was eager to extract her teeth fighting the pain with motivation to win the gold coin.
"Ammi, Zayn normally takes her tooth out. I don't know how he does it, she didn't feel a thing." I stroked the small bump under my blanket.
"Leave it ammi. Let it drop out naturally when she brushes her teeth."
"But she doesn't brush her teeth. She's scared."
Mum was a million miles away from the drama and politics in the lounge. Either she blocked it out or didn't want to get involved. She was focused on Zara determined to take her tooth.
"It's okay Zara. Nothing's going to happen." I assured her.
Moments later Salma appeared in the doorway surprising me with her presence. Arms folded with a frown etched on her face, she glared at me like I'd done something seriously wrong. Had dad convinced her Zayn was the bad guy?
"What are you doing here?" Asked Salma waiting outside my door. I knew it, she was sent here by the committee.
"We're waiting for you downstairs. It's kicked off down there and you're hiding here."
I had no intention of entertaining dad's game plan. My goal was to protect Zayn, to get the police off his back so even if dad called the police; they would have nothing on him, and Zayn would be able to stay in contact with his children.
Mum left the room in defeat and Zara curled up under my blanket.
"I'm sorry." Salma said and made her way inside and stood near the bed.
"What's there to be sorry about?"
"I didn't think it would end up like this." Wary that Zara was listening I didn't wish to elaborate.
"What's ending? Who said anything was ending?" I peeled the blanket off Zara, but she held it tight determined not to let it go.
"But your dad-" Salma conveyed.
I shook my head. "Yes, that's his decision. No one has asked me."
"You don't want to divorce him?"
"Auntie, what's thalaak?" Zara stunned us both. "Is thalaak bad?"
No five year old should be asking such questions?
"Why don't you go downstairs darling? Nanni-amma won't take your tooth out."
"No!" Zara snapped and retreated under the blanket.
"Leave it Salma." I made my way towards the doorway carrying the burden of the conversation away from Zara. "You don't know what's really going on. You've heard dad's side and believe him."
"Since when?" She protested. "I've always been on your side, I'm here for you. When your dad rang my dad, I was there. I wanted to be here for you-"
I was being unfair to Salma, she was always on my side, going against her family and her brother and maintaining her friendship with me.
"I can't deal with dad now." I thought back thinking about the last time I saw the card. Where could it be?
"No, you need to be downstairs and telling everything the truth." Salma went through my wardrobe sifting through the folded pile of hijabs, shawls that mum washed and ironed for me.
"We've heard your dad's side, now it's time to hear your side." Salma chose my favourite black Kashmiri shawl embellished maroon and beige embroidered patterns around the border and placed it in my lap.
"I'm not sure." I placed the shawl back in the wardrobe. Salma took the shawl, spread it out and wrapped it around my shoulders.
"You're coming with me. It's time for you to speak up."