The silence of the memory

Prologue

I kept my eye's shut waiting for my son to say it was okay to look, i wasn't sure what he was going to come out with but he told me his uncles had helped him pick out the outfit, so i wasn't as worried as i would have been if he had done it all on his own. A couple of moments later i heard his voice

"Okay mum, you can look now" and i slowly opened my eyes. I don't know how to describe what my reaction was; really it was a mix of sadness, love and shock. There was my little boy dressed in red trousers and trainers, a black and white striped shirt with an explosion type design near the bottom with leather jacket over it and a black patterned headband. His hair we had sprayed purple earlier and part of it had flopped over the headband. My hand covered my mouth as my eyes started to tear up. He was dressed just like his father. Just like Namjoon was the first time i ever saw him, just as he was in BTS' Not Today music video. This was our first Halloween without Namjoon, Noah always loved going trick or treating with his dad, especially when he over heard us talking about Namjoon's old nickname and ways we could make a costume out of it. I'll never forget his reaction

"daddy could never be a monster, daddy is to sweet and great and happy! Daddy isn't scary"

I knew this year was going to be tough, I'd gotten through my birthday fine. I just ignored the fact it was my birthday and spent the day doing whatever Noah wanted. School holidays were okay as we spent most of the time with the other BTS boys and their wives and kids. Everyone expected the boys to stay close and they did. They are truly the happiest family i know. I knew Halloween was going to be hard as it was Noah's favorite holiday and spending time with his dad during this time of the year but seeing him dressed like his father pulled at my heart stings a little to much. I never cried in front of him but i couldn't stop myself this time. I let of a little wiper and pulled my son to me and hugged him tight.

Noah and i finished getting ready, unlike him i hadn't put much effort into my costume. I didn't exactly have time. I had straightened my long black hair and put on this flower hair band made out of mainly roses, black, white, red and purple ones with a small shiny silver crown in the center. I just threw on a red dress and black knee high heeled boots. I had these retractable fangs that my sister and i had bought together a few years ago as a joke so i used them and did some very extra makeup and smudged some of my lipstick to look like blood dripping down my chin. I know the others love Halloween and would be dressed up so i didn't want to be the odd one out.

I remember walking around stores with Namjoon and Noah as they picked out things for their costumes, they laughed so much but were both so picky. Things had to be perfect, it got to the point i would leave them too it and meet up with some friends at a coffee shop for an hour or two and by the time i got back to the shop i had left them at they would just finished. Honestly i don't think they ever realized i left.

With that final memory i picked up my keys and did a final check that we had everything before we made our way to the meeting point to start the nights adventure.

We walked to the park to meet the others and i was trying to stay strong as tonight was going to be fun. But what i didn't expect was to walk into the park and see everyone waiting for us and all the kids dressed just like their fathers were in the Not Today music video, well expect Hoseok's daughter hope, she was dressed like Cinderella. Tae's oldest son was wearing his outfit while his younger ones were dressed like superheroes, Jungkook's son had the make up done exact and just like his father looked amazing, Yoongi stood proud as his son Matthew ran up and hugged Noah. I knew in that moment it was his idea. Seokjin and Sarah smiled sadly at me while their son zipped his jacket up more, and finally i saw Jimin holding hands with his twins the younger of the two was wearing his outfit while the older was dressed like Hoseok. It was only fair considering he was married to Hoseok's sister.

The children all hugged and started running around a laughing while we all stood and spoke, they could all tell i was trying not to cry but no one said i word. We stood speaking about life and work even though we saw each other almost every day and as the kids started to get tired from running around and wanted to go trick or treating, our conversation slowly died. But before departing our little group i cleared my throat and dried my eyes

"Thank you" it was all i said with a sad smile before starting to walk towards Noah when i felt a hand on my shoulder, i turned and saw Seokjin standing behind me

"He would be very proud of you" he then turned to everyone and shouted with exaggerated movements "Who wants to go get some candy!" and all the kids and some of the parents cheered and so we went on our way.