Late Night Letters

2

Hi,

I wish I could still love you. I can't. I shouldn't be apologizing seeing as love is earned and you've done nothing to earn it. But I still am. People like to tell me I'm overly wise for my age. That I give decent advice on certain days. Im not trying to sound big headed. Just making a point. Which is that even though I may be wise, loving you for this long goes against most of the advice I give others.

I have this almost obsession with protecting myself. I know where it stems from. No one else needs to know, it's not important. But for some reason I'd always let you hurt me. Maybe I'm a softie, maybe I'm weak. Overall, I know that loving you is no good anymore. I need to stop, because there's someone out there who deserves my love more than you ever will. And I deserve better too.

I tend to say I love you pretty loosely to the people I care about. I've never told you that. And I probably never will.

You're okay with that. Sometimes I wonder if we'd have a different relationship, if you and I would be friends. If you'd be okay if x, y, or z hadn't happened. If we'd grown up somewhere else, if our siblings had been different. If I had been braver. Or stronger, if I wasn't me, would that make it better? Would you tolerate me more?

I shouldn't think those things. I should just go to bed. I should just forget you. I should do what I usually do, and that is put you out of my mind. You just always seem to creep back in just before I fall asleep. Just to annoy me even more.

Anyways, good night.

Sincerely,

L.