Julian x asra

Battle Of Admitting Feelings

The night had passed calmly, sun was now shining into the library. Long beams of light falling on their faces and Julian stirred letting out a soft grunt before a yawn "mmnhmg...." he didn't feel like getting up, he was way too comfortable with a warm pillow against him. Wait a second, warm pillow? Pillows didn't breathe did they? No!

Fully waking up Julian felt incredible soft hair tickle his neck and chin, he blinked before he noticed. ASRA. Asra was pressed up against him sleeping quietly, HOW? How was he so lucky. Julian had never felt so nervous, asra was so delicate and smaller than him. Yet so much more dominant and self composed. The doctor bit his lip until his tasted blood, oh shit, how do I do this? Do I just pretend to be asleep? He probably knows that he'd be awake.

He sighed and panicked when asra started to make movements and stretched a little "mnhn?" he seemed confused to as why he had a hand in his hands. He was way too tired to realize what was going on, he just mumbled "just don't leave me... I need someone to hold me..." he was clearly still asleep. Now Julian was getting worried who had hurt asra that he didn't want him to leave. "hey asra? Are you completely awake?" he whispered and the other stirred. "I... Julian? Uhm... I err.. What did I all say? Please don't tell me it was about him..." he groaned.

Julian looked a little confused "him? Asra did someone hurt you?" he asked and the smaller man got up from his arms and wrapped his arms around himself sighing "the guy that broke my heart... A few months back..." he whispered and just shook it off "nothing to worry about" asra stretched and yawned. Julian frowned and reached out but took his hand back "how could someone do that to you? You are wonderful..." he said still confused.

Asra sighed and turned around "okay look... I fell in love with a guy that was toxic thought he was the one... Thought I knew him.... He broke my heart by sleeping with someone that was close to me.... And he never really wanted to do anything with me so I suspected he only used me to get close to something." he seemed to be talking about it in disgust, rolling his eyes and then looking at Julian."why I curled up against you is that I sometimes just need to be held... Thats all.."

Julian nodded "well uh yeah I guess that's... Understandable... I uh am not good with feelings and such.... But eh I'm here for you?" he said smiling a little "It'll be my pleasure to take your darkness I have enough already." Asra looked at him suddenly angry "STOP THAT WILL YOU?! You're always oh this oh that... And I want you to stop taking everyone's blame and weight onto your shoulders! It isn't fair to you!". Julian blinked in surprise looking down at his hands folded in his lap "I get it..." he slowly got up "I'll go" he put his boots back on and asra swallowed "wait Julian that's not what I meant!"

Julian gave him a sad yet cold look "I'll go" he simply said and walked out. Asra sighed and put his face in his hands, what a perfect fucking way to start a morning. He grumbled getting up from his Fort and freshened up himself, he was sorry for yelling at Julian like that. He really shouldn't have done that but he was so done with him constantly bringing himself down even further. He couldnt stand seeing that man crumble under the weight he was already carrying.

He got dressed and wandered the halls in search of Julian, he asked guards who could only tell him so little. He finally found Julian walking down a hallway steel face and just smiling at guards when he passed them. Asra felt now really guilty for yelling at him, had he made Julian feel like he used him? Used him to get over his broken heart... Maybe.

"Julian!" asra yelled and tried to follow him keeping up with the man's pace. "please! Julian can't we just talk? I'm sorry I yelled at you!" he followed him and almost bumped into him when he came to a halt and looked down at asra. Julian looked at him "talk about what? There is nothing to talk about". Asra's heart shattered once more when he heard that "but..." "no buts I have to attend the count now" Julian replied.
"please meet me at the fauntain in the garden when you're back from the work?" asra asked and Julian just turned around walking away letting asra stand there in utter misery.

The magician sighed once Julian was out of sight "I messed something up that could've been beautiful..." he whispered and left the hallway back to the library. Dinner was terrible well the food was good but none of them really touched the food, even the countess picked up on it. Asra eventually excused himself and went to the fountain were he just sat sighing, wondering to himself if Julian would even show up.
He sat in silence for a long while and stared in front of him, having faust slither onto his shoulders gave him some comfort.

"hey girl... Everything okay?" he asked and she simply replied with 'asra sad'. Asra sighed and chuckled "you always know how I feel huh? Such a smart girl...." he whispered and gave her a light chin rub.

Footsteps approached them and a tall figure sat next to him folding his hands nervously in his lap. Asra looked at him a little "yeah... I don't know how to say this since I'm not good with really expressing feelings... But... I don't use you if you thought that..."
Julian looked at him "that's.... Good to know... I guess I've not been the kindest to you today...." he whispered and gave a long sigh "what I mean to say is that.... Err... I like you..." Julian mumbled. Asra looked at him "I.... Like you too... I.. Really like you I think.. I can trust you..." he softly said.

Julian placed his hands on the sides of the fountain and stretched his legs a little looking up at the sky, "my sister always used to say... Ilya.. You fall in love way too easily... And I doubt myself because when I saw you I got this stupid warm feeling I've not had with anyone before..." he whispered not looking at asra. The smaller man nodded "I like that name... It suits you... Ilya" He placed his hand on Julians hand he slowly looked at him.

"were damaged... Both of us..." Julian started and asra finished "but we can heal each other can't we?" he asked a little hopeful. Julian casted his gaze over him "what if we can't?" "then we will have to try harder..." asra followed his gaze.

"I can't keep pretending that I don't feel anything towards you because I do... And how cheezy it sounds to admit to it I do in fact like you a lot... Enough to try and make it work..." the magician said finally meeting the doctors eyes a tear flowing down his cheek. "you really think I'm worth your time? Worth anyth-" he was silenced by a pair of fingers and then two very soft warm gentle lips. Flushing bright red the doctor didn't pull away looking at asra as he pulled away "does that say enough for you?" he asked and cupped his cheek receiving a hand over it. "yes" Julian said and blushed leaning in for another kiss which asra happily replied.

Their lips just softly touching, gentle and sweet, nothing too needy and demanding. Just softness, they needed to take this slow and both men knew that was a lie if they promised that to the other. Julian was clueless what to do with his hands and asra simply guided him to his hips, this was their moment their little place of joy.

The two spend awkwardly yet lovingly kissing for a while by the fountain until asra felt eyes burning in his back. The countess her eyes, after all the magician was making out with their plague doctor on their property. However he felt that it weren't angry eyes just relieved. "let's go back to the library shall we? Before we get an entourage staring us down" he softly suggested. Julian stayed crimson and nodded "some privacy at last" he chuckled nervously. Asra chuckled at that and they headed back to the library, they talked, they kissed, they told each other more about themselves.

Ending back up in the pillow Fort with now a purposely curled up asra against him Julian was happy, but he knew the plague might ruin what they had eventually.

But for now they were both happy, both free of their secret crushing.