Never Truly Healed

One Day at a Time

JJ's POV

"How are you feeling today, Celeste?"

I would ask this young woman that same question, every week. If she responded negatively, I'd ask her to list three bad things that happened throughout the week. But if she responded positively, I'd ask her to list three good things that happened during the week.

This was our routine.

I have different routines with different clients, so every day is different in my office.

I know that not very many people are fans of therapy or even just the idea of talking to a complete stranger about whatever's bothering them.

In my line of work, I realize that everyone has their own inner demons. They have their own scars, physical and mental.

Ironically, peoples' inner demons are what makes them human.

For some, these demons bring out the best in people.

It's said that the prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets, the prettiest eyes have cried the most tears, and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.

The kindest hearts...

This client of mine... her kindness was almost... incomparable.

She never felt the need to give cards to me or anything. Her kindness was just... there. I could definitely feel it.

She certainly was... something else.

***

I was spending a few minutes reviewing some of my clients' case files. I look up at the clock in my office and noticed it was nearly 12pm.

I shut the file folder and stash it in my desk drawer. Just as I'm doing that, Emily walks into my office. She smiles at me.

"Ready to go, Jay?"

"Ugh, I'm starving," I groan as I grab my purse. My best friend holds the door open for me. I give a smile and walk ahead of Emily. Passing by the reception desk, I give our secretary, Penelope, a smile.

"Heading out to lunch, ladies?"

"Hold down the fort for us, will you?"

Pen smiled. "Eyes like a hawk," she jokes. "Nothing's gonna get past me." Emily and I share a laugh.

"You're the best, Penny," Emily grins.

"Try not to have too much fun without me, guys." I giggle at that.

"Oh, we won't."

"We promise, Penelope."

At Lunch

The atmosphere of this place always puts me at ease. Caring for my son as a widow can take its toll on me. So, it's always nice to have these outings with Emily on our breaks from work.

We happily chatted, eating our lunch and enjoying each other's company.

Sitting across from me, Emily peers down at my wedding band.

"If you're thinking of striking up a conversation based off of what you're looking at right now..." I gave her a death glare. "... take my advice: don't." Emily laughed. "I mean it, Emily."

"But, JJ... It's been a year." I stayed tight-lipped, not saying a word. "You haven't once visited him."

"I know, Emily." I noticed Emily lean away from me, seeing my agitation sink in. I pursed my lips, not wanting to be angry at my friend. "Listen, this is the absolute last thing that I want to talk about today, so please just... respect that, okay?"

Emily peers at me before finally raising her hands in defeat.

"Alright. Fine, you win." I suppress a chuckle. "I won't pry anymore."

"Thank you," I replied, smiling softly.

Over Emily's shoulder, I see a young couple that comes to sit at the booth behind us. They didn't look any older than maybe their early twenties. The young man gestures for his girlfriend to slide into the booth.

"Ladies first," he says with a wink.

"Why thank you," she smiles.

I smile sadly towards the couple. Emily turns her head slightly, following my eyes. Seeing this couple somehow brought me back to when... Will and I...

I bit down on my lip, holding back the tears. Emily frowns and looks at me.

"Jayje, are you okay?"

I blink back the tears and shake my head.

"N-No, I-I'm..." I take a breath, letting my shoulders drop. "I-I'm just... gonna use the restroom really quickly." Emily nodded.

"Go ahead."

I nodded and stood up from the booth, quickly slipping out. I calmly make my way to the restroom. I open the door, relieved to see that no one was there. I quickly stepped into a stall and closed the door before I hunched down. My head in my hands, I silently cried. I think of my late husband. I think of my son.

I thought back to what Emily said.

"It's been a year."

A whole 365 days... since Will's death in the line of duty.

Just the thought of it being that long made me sob harder. The love of my life...

Oh, Will... I miss you so much...

About five minutes had gone by, but those minutes had felt like hours. I decided to compose myself and wipe the tears from my eyes. Finally having regained my composure, I stand up and open the stall door. A young woman suddenly jolts in front of the mirror. She had wavy, light brown hair that went down to her shoulders. She wore a maroon blouse that fit slimly underneath her dark-grayish cardigan.

This was the young woman that was in the booth behind Emily and I. She leaned off of the sink and took a deep breath.

"I-I'm sorry" she stammered. "I... I didn't think anyone else was in here." I smiled softly, shaking my head.

"Don't worry about it." I stepped over to the sink beside her. I turned the faucet on before gathering some water in my hands and lightly splashing some of it onto my face. I blew a breath and grabbed a paper towel. I gently cleared my face of the water. I glanced at the girl's expression. "Was that your boyfriend out there?"

"Yeah." She turns the faucet on and runs her hands through the water. I glanced at her and notice her peering down at my hands. "Were you with your wife?"

I furrow my brow. Is she talking about my ring?

I look at my ring. I realize what she meant.

"Haha, no, she's just a friend from work." She nodded. "I, uh..." I purse my lips. "I... had a husband." The girl frowned.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. I smiled sadly, shaking my head. "I... I don't know if this means anything, but... if you learn to take it one day at a time..." she smiled. "it'll get better." I pursed my lips, nodding. "Nice meeting you. Take care."

She walked off out of the restroom. I gave myself a good, long look in the mirror.

A few deep breaths and you can go back out there, Jennifer. Emily's waiting.

First breath. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Second breath. Through the nose. Through the mouth. In. Out.

Finally letting my shoulders drop, I turned towards the restroom door, my head held high.

One day at a time...