Never Truly Healed

First Impression

My sister pulled up in the parking structure of the building. She parked and turned the car off. She turned and gave me a smile.

"You ready to do this?" All of a sudden, my heart started to beat out of my chest. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I pressed my hand to my chest. My heartbeat quickened even more. I took a few deep breaths, hunching over in the passenger seat. I felt Jacquelyn's hand rub my back comfortingly. "Do you wanna say a prayer first?" I looked up at her. She lent me a soft smile. I bit down on my lip and nodded. I sat up and leaned back into the seat. Jacquelyn took my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Dear Lord, we come to you right now to ask that you give my sister the courage and strength that she needs for today's therapy session. Bless her therapist with your salvation, whoever they may be. Celeste is a very... fragile soul, and she tends to... break easily, but she knows that you are always there to pick up the pieces, Father. And, dear God, I thank you for giving her Marie, Leana, and her boyfriend, James. They've all been her support and continue to show that my sister is and always will be, truly loved. You've shown her that she is not alone, Lord. And she never will be. Thank you for sending your angels to protect my beloved sister. We can't thank you enough, Father. We love you. Amen."

"Amen," I whispered. I blew a breath, leaning off of the seat. "Thank, Sis. I really needed that."

"Anything for you, my love." Jacquelyn leans over and places a kiss to my cheek. She embraces me, squeezing my shoulders. "Ready now?" I gave a nod.

"Yeah..."

***

We went into the waiting room and I could literally feel the air thicken. Jacquelyn kept her grip on my hand, pulling me over to the reception desk. I looked around nervously at the room. It was pretty cramped. I tried to settle my breathing when Jacquelyn tapped my shoulder.

"Sign in, honey." She handed the pen to me and I wrote my name down. I glanced at the receptionist and managed a soft smile. She grinned back at me.

"I love your necklace," she said, complimenting me. "It's really pretty."

"... Thanks."

This woman seemed very... vibrant. She had curly blond hair and pink, wide framed glasses. Her smile seemed contagious. The vibe I got from this woman was the complete opposite of the entire environment in this stuffy office.

"Miss Jareau will be with you in a moment, okay? Just take a seat." Jacquelyn nodded and pulls me back over to the waiting room. We sit down in some of the chairs. Problem was, I couldn't sit still to save my life. I kept bouncing my leg. Noticing this, Jacquelyn pursed her lips and placed a comforting hand on my thigh. Hunched over in my seat, I look up at my sister.

"Do you want some water?" she asked, nodding over to the water jug dispenser in the corner of the room. I swallowed hard, finally realizing how parched I was. I cleared my throat and nodded. Jacquelyn gave me a soft smile and pecked my forehead. She stood up and went to grab a cup of water for me.

About ten minutes pass, and I hear a voice.

"Celeste?"

I was on my phone for those ten minutes. I look up from my phone and I see... Wait.

Blonde hair, blue eyes...

"Do I know you?" I suddenly asked, narrowing my eyes. The woman got a good look at me and pursed her lips, nodding.

"Yes, you do." My eyes widened. She waved me inside. "Come into my office."

Jacquelyn nudged my shoulder.

"You know her?" she whispered.

"I, uh, ran into her in the restroom when I went out with James." She slowly nodded, glancing at the woman in the waiting room doorway.

"Tell me more about it when we get home."

"Okay."

She placed her hand on top of mine. She pulled me in for a hug and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, Sis."

"I love you, too."

All of a sudden, I felt my chest tighten once I stood up from the chair. My hands started getting clammy with every step I took.

Gosh, Celeste, keep it together! It's... It's normal for you to feel like this, but don't make it so freaking obvious!

I mentally berated myself for a few seconds before I was finally inside this woman's office.

"So, you already know my name," I said, sitting myself down in the seat across from her. "I assume you're 'Miss Jareau'?" She grabbed a clipboard from her desk.

"That's Jennifer or JJ to you, Celeste," she smirked. She held out her hand.

"Okay, then. ... Jennifer." I reached my hand out and shook hers.

"It's nice to formally meet you." I pulled my hand away and pursed my lips, nodding.

"Same to you."

"Okay, so... this is just gonna be a quick session, because... if I remember correctly, you mentioned over the phone that you just wanted an assessment of what you feel you may have, right?" I nodded. "Okay... Can you tell me what your hobbies are?"

"Writing — creative and poetry — singing, and... playing video games."

"What kind of games d'you like?"

"Role-playing games, racing games, rhythm games, and puzzle games." Jennifer smiled at that.

"My son's really been getting into puzzle games lately." I laughed.

"How old is your son?"

"He's four. And, I'm the one asking the questions here," she teased. I giggled, grinning.

Looks like I was worried for nothing! Not even ten minutes in, and I'm already laughing! I'd say that's progress. I have this. I can do this. I'm making an awesome first impression and I think Jennifer's gonna get to like me.

***

Twenty Minutes Later

"Okay, from everything you've told me, these factors are very much the symptoms of anxiety disorder. So, what's gonna happen is, every week that we meet, we'll just work on some ways to cope with your anxiety, alright?"

"Okay."

Jennifer leaned over her desk.

"I just wanna end on this note. If there's ever anything you feel uncomfortable talking to me about, I won't force you. Just take your time with it. And since this is your first time in therapy, remember that it's important to take things slow. Just make sure that you come every week, alright?"

"Okay," I replied, nodding. Jennifer smiled, satisfied.

"You said you're available every... Wednesday?" I nodded. "Alright, make sure you pencil in for next Wednesday morning, then."

"Yes, ma'am."