I was sad. as always, unsure of what exactly was coming next and not eager to find out what it was. walking along the dusty sand trail by the bay it left me to think of the horrible things going on in my life. i swore to myself before i began walking that i was done crying because the situation wasn't worth crying over. But the tears still came. Stinging my eyes and begging to let them fall.
Its crazy how the day before something dramatic happens is always a normal day. My day had been great. I went to school and talked to friends and in those moments i was happy. But then in the blink of an eye one second, one sentence changes everything.
I had woke up Sunday morning to the loud cry of my alarm clock. I sat up in bed and checked the time knowing i had to begin getting ready for church.
I was exhausted. The night before i had listened to my step dad and my mom fight. I was used it honestly and still this time i knew it was different.
My mom walked into my room. Her face emotionless. She looked tired too.
"I think we are leaving." she said in a stern matter of fact kind of voice.
I didnt respond, not really having anything to say.
I didnt want to leave but i knew it was for the best. My parents arguing all the time wasnt good for my little sister to be around and frankly i was frustrated with it.
So i got up, i rubbed my eyes and i began to pack. Pulling out all my clothes and jewelry and toiletries until i had a big bin of things i couldnt live without.
Packing my life into a small box is how it felt. I knew things were going to change i just didnt realize how much until it was too late.
When we got into the car i knew immediately we were going to my grandmas house in la jolla, 30 minutes away my house and school.
All three girls, my mom my sister and i crammed into a small honda fit driving away from the house we loved. We were all terrifyed we just didnt want to admit it.
I plugged up my phone and looked out the window letting my music flow from the speakers.
Thats when the air was knocked out of me and i couldnt hold back my sadness.
The only reason i hadnt broke down until then was because of my little sister. She didnt need to see me, the strong women she looks up to, to crumble at a situation she thought was positive. She didnt understand.
But still i couldnt hold back my loud sobs. I closed my eyes unable to keep them open and i cried and i begged for all of it to go away. I begged to go home and to be in my house with my things.
I was terrified of where i was going. I love my grandma and i love to be around her but to move in with her? Not only her but her husband and my great grandma?
I knew it was going to be challenging and honestly i wasnt so sure i was up for the challenge.
By the time my mom heard me crying i could hear her whines and crys as well. She knew what she was doing and just through the sound of her sadness i knew she was guilty and it was then that heard my little sister crying as well. Soon the car was filled with pitiful sorrow and low music. It felt like rock bottom.
Thinking back on the memory was just as painful as living it. I watched my grandmas dog leading me down the path i walked along and tried to focus on the sound of the water splashing beside me. I watched as people laughed and played and i took a deep breath, smelling the salty air and feeling the thin floury sand between my toes.
It was a beautiful day and i understood why my grandpa had brought me here. He kept repeating "think of as a miny vacation" but all i could think was it was hell on earth. I was trapped, stuck in with people that were happy when i was miserable.
