My Life Story

Blaming my behavior, on my past.

Growing up, no matter what was going on, I was always claiming my behavior on what I had been through. I used what I had been through as a crutch to get out of situations or out of trouble. It's definitely not something I'm proud of, but I am proud to say I have matured and no longer blame what I do, on my past and what I been through.

Most people claim their actions, or behavior on something they went through, because they don't want to admit that they were wrong, or just truly believe that's why they behave that way. I was one of the people who didn't want to admit that I had messed up, and sometimes it still takes me a minute to admit when I do mess up, but it takes a lot of work. It's definitely not something I changed over night, and no one can expect anyone to do that. I am still working on that and some other areas as well.

Another reason I blamed my behavior or attitude on my past was, because i didn't like confrontations or arguments and still to this day do not like them. A part of growing up and getting older is realizing how far you've come, and how far you're willing to go. I was never one to speak about my feelings, or talk about what was on my mind. I have started talking more and more about my feelings and my thoughts. In foster care i was never taught how to express any of my feelings or thoughts, so still to this very day i am affected by that. It's not that i don't like talking about it, i don't, but it's more like I don't know how to, and my words get caught in my throat. It was really hard for me growing up to not talk about my feelings. I didn't even talk to my therapists about my feelings, until i found a family to adopt me. At 17 i was adopted and was put into therapy and that was the first ever therapist i actually felt comfortable talking to about my feelings. And ever since then it has been a little easier talking about my feelings and thoughts.

On that note, if you are having problems with talking, whether it be about your feelings or thoughts, or anything else, please know that it is okay to talk to someone. While i struggled with talking about my feelings and thoughts, i started drawing, and writing poems. Poems are my go-to when i am feeling down and/or feel like i can't talk.

Blaming your behavior on your past, is just an excuse.

Blaming your attitude on your past, is just an excuse

Using your past as an excuse is just a way of not taking responsibility. I know this, because i use to blame my behavior and my attitude on my past. I used this excuse as my crutch, and FINALLY i was able to get rid of that crutch and i have never felt more proud of myself. You can do it too!