I still regret everything. Her. That night. That charm. I regret it all. I still hear her encouraging words and motivating laugh. I can still imagine her sweet face as the life drained from her eyes, and in that moment I almost forgot her kind smile.
The thought that no one remembers her makes me cringe. The only one's who knows Seiko were the ones who survied... but she only lives in our memories.
When I'm asleep, I would dream of holding Seiko close and our lips meeting... Her beautiful soft lips... It feels wrong kissing my best friend, but at the same time, it felt so right.
Sometimes I would dream of our old memories. Instead of saying goodbye, we would spend our days and nights talking about our feelings. I would admit I loved her, and she would return the love, and we would kiss and dream together, forever. It was everything I always wanted, but now I know I can never have it.
I always ended up screaming at my worrying mother who would come to get me outside to do something productive. I always screeched, "I'm talking to Seiko!" and I would silently cry myself to sleep of the thought of her lifless body dangling from the bathroom stall, a noose tightly wrapped around her neck... and it all being my fault.
Soon enough i found myself standing in the spot Seiko died, just in the real world. I felt so terrible when I stood there, it was here that I pushed Seiko away. I treated her like she was nothing, but in reality, she was my everything. I couldn't stop myself as I slid open the 3rd story window putting my hands on the window panels while I climbed out onto the ledge. Before I knew what I was doing, I hit the ground, and then it all went black.
****
I woke up in the ICU confused and a little dazed. I couldn't make out who it was, but someone with small cold hands cuffed mine and whispered, "I love you Naomi."
I love you too Seiko...
