Red Dead Redemption 2 Spoofs

Don't Venture into the Swamps...

      "Hey Arthur," Dutch's unmistakable voice range out through the camp, "I'm going on a little trip through the swamps, wanna join me?"

      Dutch watched in bewilderment as Arthur tensed noticeably and shivered with his eyes widening. "I'm never goin' back there again... "

      "Is there a particular reason for this?" Dutch stared Arthur down, waiting for him to say something. Just when the younger man was poised to speak, Lenny came jogging over to Dutch.

      "Micah's gone, Boss! He left a note sayin' he ran off and married some swamp dweller named Sonny."

       Arthur remained stoic, seemingly unsurprised by the new revelation, "I guess Micah finally found someone crazy enough for 'im." his words came out more than a little bitter.

      "Who's this Sonny?" Dutch asked, bewildered.

         "Why don't you ask Bill!?" Arthur angrily stomped back towards his tent as John slipped out of it.

     "Bill?" Dutch turned expectantly towards the said man as John watched curiously.

     "You mean the shopkeeper or the gay swamp guy that ra-" Bill was cut off instantly by John's fist.

      "Okay, where's my guns? I've got a little visit to pay to our friend Sonny... " John, furiously searching for his gun didn't realize when Hosea backed away slowly, being in possession of the wanted object.

      "I'll just keep this until he calms down... " Hosea looked back at Dutch helplessly as the older man's lethargic retreat turned into a full on sprint to shove the gun into a barrel, that he realized a moment too late was filled to the brim with water.

  Hosea's last thought as he winced and hurried away from the scene was, Boy is he gonna be mad...

     As Bill grabbed his now broken nose and scurried off to clean it he eyed the barrel that Hosea had drooped the revolver in. He opened the lid and dabbed a cloth in and wiped his nose with it, and was in the act of submerging it again when it bumped into cool metal. His curiosity got the better of him, so he grabbed the gun and hoisted it out of the water. However, while he was busy puzzling over who it belonged to and why it was left there to rust, unluckily John's cold stare found its way to the man.

       "Bill, why the h*ll do you have my gun? And what was you thinkin' puttin' it in the water to rust!?" John furiously headed over to the brunette man as he stood stupefied.

     "I-I just found it, I-I swear!" Bill's indignant tone apparently wasn't good enough for John, as he grabbed the gun harshly and shot the other man's hat clean off his head.

    "Hey, I just bought that!"

      As chaos spread around the camp, with Hosea and Dutch sheltering in their tent, John and Bill fighting, and the rest of the gang betting on who would win the fight, Arthur stalked away, forgotten in the havoc of the situation. And nobody heard his almost inaudible comment as he shook his head despairingly, "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, what a joke."

                            A/N:
    So, for all of you who don't know who Sonny is, he is a random NPC you can find on his porch in the swamps. He'll ask if you want to be his friend and talk about how he doesn't have friends and invite you inside. When you get in, he'll knock you out and do some not so nice things to our friend Arthur...

           Long story short, STAY OUT OF THE SWAMPS...