The Dark Side of Love

The Pain of Moving on

When you think about the person you love so unconditionally, do you ever think about the day that you may have to let them go? Or the day where you will have to move on from them and go on with life? Yea, I didn't either all I thought about was all the good memories we were sharing throughout the days and now I am gradually trying to get over him, which is probably the hardest thing I have had to do. Especially when you don't want to get over that person, but the fact is that you have too. Because if you don't then you are stuck in a world of pain and hurt while they are moving on with their lives. The only hard part is that you want to wait for them, you want to believe there is still a chance if you just wait and be patient. What happens if you move on and they want you back? What do you do? Tell them that you have moved on and apologize? But then I realize that he has moved on, he doesn't want me I am just a piece of gum that was stuck on the bottom of his shoe that he finally scrapped off. That's all I am right? A problem or burden he finally got out of his life and got to have a happier life. 

I don't mean to sound like I am miserable or anything I know that I will be okay sooner or later. It's just right now the pain is unbearable and I can't control how I feel, I told him after he got his new happiness that I wish I could turn off my emotions and he said same. I don't know how that works though, he is happy and I am stuck with this pain and unhappiness. I told him so many things that I would never even dream of telling anyone else just because I was that close to him. He actually made me feel special and important in a world of millions of people, I guess now I realize that I am a mess that no one needs or has to deal with. I know that I am a mess, but I thought he could help me show the true person I really am, which he did. But now I am back where I started, lost. I always wish that I could pick up my phone and just call him and have the long conversations that lasted until 4 in the morning talking about the most random things, but they were important because it was with him and he is special to me. I care about him so much and love him so much that it hurts.

He was my everything, my world, my one that I had always dreamed of. The one that I would make it in the long run with, the one that would care about me through all of my faults. But I guess dreams don't come true and neither does love. I feel as though my hope for love has hidden away from me after this event because it doesn't want to be hurt again. Which it probably would honestly, especially if I built myself up for failure as I did with him. Moving on from someone you love is not easy and definitely going to take time, I know that but he will always have a special place in my heart forever and always. Even if I don't have a place in his anymore maybe I never did have a place in his heart. This is why I am going to close off my heart from the world for a little bit, not hide away from life but keep my heart in a cage that way I don't have to pick up all the pieces again, because there are a lot of pieces that need to be picked up from a broken heart especially if it has been shattered.