ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs

I Wish I Could Leave This As Easy As You. Part 3

Sometimes I'll just be sitting in my room and this wave of sadness will hit me like an Ocean tide and suddenly, I'm drowning in my thoughts but the yare is moving too fast for me to catch them –
I only catch a couple of words like "useless" and "broken" and "love is pain" and "nobody stays" and I don't mean to push them away when this is happening but nothing you could ever say could make it better because nobody can wake me up from this nightmare but my own brain and I know what you'll say, you'll say you're going to be okay, you're going to make a difference, I'm going to stay and I'll end up screaming at you, saying you won't and you'll run out of things to say to convince me that life is worth living because I'll argue every point you make and we'll end up staring at our phones with nothing to say and I'll cry myself to sleep when I realise that not only am I destroying myself, but everyone around me and I'm sorry if I push you away. I don't mean to. It's just that i'm so tired of ending up alone, it's easier to blame my actions than to think it was just because I wasn't enough.