I wish you could see our old conversations, our hellos and goodbyes laced with "i love yous" ,except we never really said goodbye, did we? We never felt a need to. Instead of goodbyes, we left open ended conversations. The way poets leave the ends of monologues open signifying their return, and they always returned. You did too. You always returned when i needed you to. So i never worried. Perhaps i should have. You sang out "forevers" and "always" in that deep vibrato tone you've locked away from me now. You made promises seem like simple rhymes. Like reading stories to a five year old, you knew i believed every word. You could've told me dragons are real and i would have ventured to find one. And we had plans ,my friend. You and I, we cracked open this world. You and I, archeologists of our own kind, excavating the broken parts of ourselves, putting them back together. We were scientists, solving equations, experimenting. You. Experimented on my heart. With the hypothesis of "how high can we build this so that it crashes when im gone?" So you built and built. Stacking bricks, gluing them with "forevers" and I helped. We set dates on calendars , we planned to travel. We saved gifts for when we'd meet. You'd give your palms, I'd give you my shoulders. You promised me a hug and you didnt realize how expensive that gift would be. But i took every promise you gave, holding it carefully like a fruit that we were both afraid of bruising. We were both flawed puzzle pieces that could fit no one in our curves. You. You genius. Like a philosopher inside a scientist, you said, "lets just sand down our edges and fit each other ". I did. I did it before i realized, you didn't. The palms you gave me were closed. All this was fairy tales, books , tall tales, stories. You were so good at telling stories. Far from reality. But i still had hope, that everytime we didn't say goodbye, you'd return. Until one day, you didnt. Until one day you were gone. No reasons left behind, i wondered , what did i do wrong? With no goodbye, i waited at your door hoping you'd return. Until i realized you wouldn't. I wish you could see our old messages. The way i cant stop looking at our old messages. I didnt learn how not to. You see, my friend, thats the only gift you've left me.
