Things Are Amiss: a lampooning of anime tropes

BLOSSOMING INTO A HERO

"Oh, dear..."

I look up and around, finding myself in an empty room with white walls, and a tile floor like from a public restroom. "Another addition to the Revenant Cycle..." a strangely dressed girl swishes her long, pink hair in a gust of wind, her lace robes swishing about her small form.

"W-what? What's going on? Where am I?"

"Oh, you're dead," she says with a half crooked grin. "but you'll get used to it."

"Used to it?! What do you mean?!"

That same weird wind hits me, and I realize that I'm totally naked.

"However, since you died a hero's death, you can come back as a Revenant. Would you..." She twirls her legs around each other, biting her lip, "Like to do that?"

I instantly uncover myself, and run up to her, my hot breath in her face. "Yes! I want to go back! Why wouldn't I?!"

"But t-there are some conditions you should-"

"I'm willing to hear them later, but please ma'am! Just send me back!"

Her stance straightens out again, and she clears her throat with a small cough, stomping one foot on the floor. "Contract, Revenant Seal!"

One of the walls instantly slide up to reveal a second room containing Garret, though it seems that two copies of the pink-haired girl are keeping him down with bondage gear. Some of their locks of hair are on the floor, presumably ripped off by him, and one of the copies has a nasty looking black eye.

"C'mon! Just send me back!" Garret's yelling is stopped by a hot pink ball gag.

"Now that you have both consented to the Revenant Cycle, the process shall begin! Fufu~" Her smile widens, and her eyebrows furrow as two more openings now appear in the ceiling, dropping half of a strange guillotine on our necks; holding us in place.

"Star Child, come forth from a womb of undeath!"

"Waitwaitwait what are you-"

The blade falls on both of us, and my vision spins around rapidly as the floor begins to incline and my head steadily rolls down.

Everything fades to a cotton candy mix of pink and white, twirling into itself until it fades into a sky blue, spotted all about with distant clouds.

I can feel it, feel so different. My normally calm appearance has the feeling of being flexed into an expression of anger, and my teeth are grinding against each other. On top of that, where am I?

"Grragh! The shit's goin' on?!"

We, er, I look down and see a large pair of breasts restricted within a tight, bloody fast food uniform.