Dipper Pine's Prophecy

5: Summer Romances (Part 2)

Stan did make him do tours, in fact, his Grunkle decided that being a half hour late for his shift meant that Dipper had to be Mr. Mystery for the rest of the week, which was only a day and a half, but to Dipper, it was a day and a half too much. Sure he knows the lines by heart, knows how to trick innocent tourists into buying the stupidest, most obviously fake attractions and merchandise, and had done tours hundreds of times since he was old enough to fit the suit (not Stan's, but a custom one made for a young adult Dipper, but same concept), but since he was an introverted, social anxiety filled wreck, he still hated it and always felt like throwing up or turning tail and running whenever the occasionally observant (or rude skeptical) tourist asked a difficult to answer question.

"Excuse me, but is this glitter on the Cursed Chest?" Asked an obnoxious voice in front of him.

Shit! Why do I always jinx myself?

The term 'Speak of the devil and he shall appear' must end with 'And think of his tricks and they will befall you' or something, because Dipper looked up to see a balding man holding a small wooden chest that was covered in occult looking symbols and, as questioned, a few tiny flecks of glitter sparkling between the lid and body of the box. Dipper pushed down the anxiety that well in his throat as he forced his face to take on a friendly and confident expression with a wide smile that always made his face hurt at the end of the day.

"What's that good sir, glitter?" He squinted his eyes at the chest in false examination, "I'm afraid I don't see any, but if it was a glimmer you saw, then I suggest you be cautious! You see, you may have seen the magic inside calling for you to open it! But I would not recommend doing as it wishes, if I remember correctly, that particular chest hold a curse that transforms you into a toad the next time you look into a mirror! Permanently too! Not even a kiss from a beautiful princess could save you from that fate!" He let out a fake laugh at his joke, "Though if you happen to want to be a toad or just want to take your chances with the curse, you'll have to pay and Mystery Shack policy states that you can't open it until you are a few miles away from our fair establishment to avoid setting off any of the other curses or black magic we have!"

The man hums and looks closely at the glitter and Dipper's palms became clammy, last thing he needs is this guy calling him out on his bluff and causing a scene in the middle of the shop, Stan would not be happy if we lost customers because Dipper couldn't fool one half bald tourist.

"You're right, this tricky thing is just trying to fool me! I wonder if any of my coworkers would fall for it, maybe even my boss if I'm lucky! How much does this cost?"

Dipper internally sighed as his fake smile became ever so slightly easier to hold on his face, "Well normally, a permanent curse like that costs fifty dollars, but since I know what a pain coworkers can be, I think I can give you a discount!"

He led the man over to Mabel, who is working the cash register while he does tours, and manages to get the tourist to buy the chest for forty five dollars (which was a total rip of since it cost less than five dollars for Mabel to make) along with a Mystery Shack T-Shirt and a Mr. Mystery (both at ridiculous prices), once he man left, Dipper made a dash for the back room for a quick break before the next tour.

After he calms his nerves and eats a few Stan cakes from the fridge, Dipper makes his was back to the gift shop. Halfway there, he hears his sisters voice voice through the 'Employees Only' door.

"Lust potion huh? You don't need this stuff, but if it would make you feel better, I'd be happy to drink it now. No need to be sneaky!"

He winced, Mabel's flirting was always terrible, but over the years, it somehow got worse as it progressed from Rated G to PF to PG-13 to Rated R all the way to NC-17 (adults only, no one under 17). In fact, Dipper always felt the urge to hide under a rock every time she made a really suggestive sex joke while flirting. The worst part was that this wasn't the worst thing she could have said in reference to the fake lust potion, he just thanked whatever deities in charge that something had convinced his sister to sensor herself while at the shack and refrained from using the worst of the sex references in or near the Mystery Shack, or more accurately, anywhere near where the Stan's could hear her. Dipper dreaded the day they found out about his sister's (ridiculously active) sex life, their Uncles were way overprotective of the younger Pines twins, Dipper included. He remembers when the Stans sat Mabel and him down at the kitchen table when they turned fifteen and told them that they should be forever alone because it was 'healthier' since the world was filled with terrible and idiotic people and that if we did find someone we wanted to be with, then we would have to get them 'Stan Approved', then we would have to wait to see if the relationship lasted for three years before we could have sex (obviously we, especially Mabel, are not REALLY that concerned with following these rules).