A Love I've Never Had Before

Chapter 2: Anxiety vs Emotions

His eyes sparkled while his smile made me shut down and try to impress him just like any other girl would do to the guys they had a crush on. I never expected myself to act this way because I had always pitied the girls that would. We went to go eat breakfast in the class and I ended up figuring out his name. The teacher took attendance again and overheard him say Eliot Zapata. I turned around and saw that he had raised his hand up and uttered the word "Here!" Oh also, I'm Bella Fernandez-Figueroa. Anyways, I felt like he was the only person I needed in my life at that moment. All I was able to do was take small glances at him. He seemed like a nice, funny, and cool person that I wished would at least be my friend even if I never spoke to him. I just observed from as close as I was capable of going.

I needed to find a way to talk to him without him thinking that I was weird by just randomly finding him on social media. Many ideas circled around my head because I didn't know what to do. What if he blocked me because he thinks I'm weird? Whether I thought this, I still decided that it would be good to message him and take a step forward. Even though I had the thought and idea of messaging him, it still took me at least an hour to send a small simple message. Once my mind was cleared of all the negative thoughts, I grabbed my phone and simply went on Friendbook which was the only social media site I knew that everyone used at the time. Once I found his profile, I proceeded in greeting him which would start a conversation between us both.

The message was so simple and pure, since it did come out of the mind of a seventh grader who hadn't been in a relationship yet. I waited nearly ten minutes walking around back and forth of my room thinking about what I had done. I realized my decision more and thought that I shouldn't have done it, wishing for death, as more time passed by. As I kept walking back and forth in my room, I drank water to see if I was capable of calming down. Soon enough, I heard a ding sound with a vibration coming with it and knew that I had received a notification. Anxiety ran through my body as fast as a cheetah was capable of running 3 miles in the span of who knows how many minutes.

My heart felt like it stopped beating while I composed myself before I got an anxiety attack. I unlocked my phone as fast as possible which was when I saw that my notification said, "Eliot Zapata sent you a message." A simple "Hey" as expected which was the start of a never ending chapter. I grew confident, which was when my mind let my words flow as smoothly as paint. Hours continue as I have a casual conversation with him about school, land plains, and how hot the weather was since it was summer.

I had this amazing feeling about how nice it was to talk to him. More time had followed and it was now time for both of us to catch some sleep for the next day. That was when he sent me a text saying, "Goodnight Lisa, see you tomorrow in Mr. Mackenzie's science class." Okay, pause...... Rewind..... Play. He said science class. That was when it occurred to me that I hadn't told him that this account was under a false name and that I was a totally different person. How could I be so careless?

That was when I told him about the false name and what my real name was. He was puzzled and asked why I had my profile under a different name. I wasn't able to lie to him because my crush had grown as I got to know him a bit more during our conversation. I told him that if my dad found out that I had a Friendbook account, he would make sure I wouldn't see the light of day. "I'm in your P.E. class, but I sit behind you. I was new to the class a couple of weeks ago." I said. He replied with, "I don't really pay attention to the people in my class lol."

What a great turn of events. I messaged him back saying that I would go up to him and say the name of the profile so he knows who I am. He said, "Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow." "See you soon." I replied. My mind was now racing like people in a marathon because it had finally hit me that I was supposed to go up to him and tell him who I was. He told me many things that he wouldn't necessarily tell a stranger about. I was unsure about what his reaction would be once he sees who I am and I kept myself up worrying about the situation. The thing is, I was freaking out excessively because I never would have thought that I would have to meet a person from my school. Most importantly, someone who I had developed this huge crush on. All I knew was that I may catch his attention and freeze without saying anything else afterwards.