She stood there in shock with the empty can of fish food still in her hands. The thought of having to be around people after not having so much as one conversation in years filled her with an immense amount of anxiety; enough to make her want to curl up into a ball. For a brief moment, she thought about just not going. But then she remembered the way her fishes had looked at her. They needed her, and she owed it to them not to abandon them.
Her breathing came in shallow, erratic, bursts as she began to process what exactly this day would entail, nay demand, of her. First, she would have to drag her old boat out of the garage. A boat that she wasn't even sure was viable at this point seeing as how it had been years since she had even touched the thing. Lacking in regular maintenance, the boat could be a decaying hunk of junk for all she knew. Then, assuming that the boat was still feasible; she would have to access the depths of her memory to see if she even remembered how to get to town.
Saying that she was in the middle of nowhere was an understatement. There's a difference between living somewhere secluded and living somewhere where you can't be found; the latter was the case. Not only was she deep in the recesses of the jungle, but she was somewhere that could only be accessed by boat. Even then it was far from smooth sailing as most of the journey consisted of vicious rapids. Yet another reason on a list of many that she was not excited to make this journey.
Nevertheless, it had to be done, and soon. This surely would be an all-day endeavor. And so, with her coffee in hand, she made her way to her room to get dressed. She stole a brief glance at her slippers as she passed them on her way to the closet. They were filled with more holes than a Hollywood movie plot and the soles were worn to hell.
'Maybe it's time for some new slippers...' she thought to herself.
After all, the routine had already been broken and she was going into town. This small thought instigated a large-scale internal battle as she told herself that just because the routine had been broken today, didn't mean she couldn't/shouldn't go back to it tomorrow. But then why not start anew? Practically speaking, there was no reason to trudge around in slippers that were worse for wear.
It was in moments like this that she longed to be normal. Most people would just get a new pair of shoes without giving it a second thought; it was the logical thing to do after all. But not her, nothing was ever that easy with her. She had to think big picture, small picture, and everything in between.
What if the new slippers weren't as comfortable? What if they didn't fit right? What if she didn't like the way they looked?
In reality, none of those outcomes were really very important, but they all felt important to her. Can you imagine living a life like this? A life spent trapped in your own mind with no foreseeable way out?
And suddenly it became apparent why she had kept a routine all those years. A routine meant less thinking or overthinking in her case. Every day the same monotonous actions, (that were basically muscle memory at that point), meant less brain power. The less she had to think about, the better in her opinion. Luckily, today she was able to snap herself out of it as she simply did not have time to dwell.
She pondered what to wear as she had never really had to care before today. She decided to go the modest route with some dark wash jeans and a tan puffy jacket. She layered up at the last second as it would surely be chilly on the water. After pulling her hair into a basic bun she was ready to go.
Once dressed, she rifled around under her bed until her hand made contact with a small wooden box. This diminutive, poorly hidden, box was where she kept her fortune. It was beautifully handcrafted, and proudly displayed the intials of her late family. She felt a pang of sadness in her chest as she stared at the wads of cash that lay inside. Most people would find it fairly difficult to be sad with this much money in their possession, but it was true what they say; money can't buy happiness.
Staring at the money only made her sick now, it reminded her of the emptiness inside she tried so hard to suppress. The family members she would never get to see again, the loving kisses she was missing out on. All nothing more than a memory now...
The boat was sort of a good news/bad news situation. It was still intact, and she was sure it would at least get her into town, but it wasn't in the best condition. Just as she had expected, the wood was starting to rot. She feared that the rapids would demand more than it was capable of withstanding. Still, she lugged the old beast out anyways as she had no other choice.
And so, with a wad of cash safely stashed in her boot, and a quick scatter-brained prayer, she was off.
