the heiress ( law & order: svu fanfiction )

chapter eight

Sitting on the couch, wrapped up in her NYU sweatpants a ratty hoodie from her high school, and with at least two blankets on her, Maddie stared absently out the window.

Amanda had just put Jesse to bed after practically prying her out of Maddie's arms. Walking down the stairs, she looked at her girlfriend, her heart aching for the younger woman.

"Hey, baby." She whispered, sliding onto the couch next to Maddie. "How are you doing?"

Maddie lifted her gaze to Amanda, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "What did I do? I was willing to let him shoot me in the head. I wasn't scared." She whispered. "It scares me because, for just a second, I thought that I was free. Free from his sick and twisted ways."

Amanda moved closer, wrapping her arms around Maddie and pulling her close. "I just thought that maybe... maybe I could bring him back. Bring back my brother, but he's not there anymore. And I don't think he ever was."

There was nothing that Amanda could say to make Maddie feel better; she knew that. "You proved that you were willing to do what it took for the people that you love, which is more than Daniel can say. He only cares about himself; he made that very clear."

"But I could have... he could have killed me if he only cared about himself... I should be dead." She mumbled, resting her head against Amanda's chest. "I'm glad that I'm not dead. No matter how hard the past few months have been; the greatest thing that happened is sitting right here with me." Maddie lifted her gaze just so to look at Amanda. "I love you, Amanda Lynne Rollins." She whispered.

Amanda smiled, her hand resting against Maddie's cheek. "I love you too, Madeline Elizabeth Campbell." She returned the sentiment, pressing a gentle kiss to the younger's forehead.

**

"Mads?" Amanda's voice broke through the tearful haze that seemed to cloud the younger woman. "Liv and Barba are here to talk to you."

Nodding, Maddie sat up and looked at the couple standing a few feet from her. "Is this about Daniel?" She asked quietly.

Olivia nodded a little. "We just wanted to make sure that you were alright."

Maddie scoffed a little, rolling her eyes. "Of course you did."

"Maddie," Amanda sighed.

"What? I'm not okay! I was raped and beaten by my brother who then choked me out in court so now I have to see a therapist and take medication so that maybe one day I'll be able to sleep without seeing his face. Oh, and let's not forget that he held a gun to the head of the woman I love before I stepped in. Or should we talk about how much easier this would be if I'd froze to death the night he attacked me? Or better yet, if he'd ended up splattering my brains across the halls of the courthouse? Because that's what I'm thinking about! Everyone would be better off if I were dead!" She shouted, slumping back down on the couch.

Olivia walked over and crouched in front of Maddie. "Sweetie, you know that's not true. You're still here because you still have unfinished business. You need to live to see your brother pay for what he did to you. I know that it seems like it's never going to get better, but you can come back from this. And you will, with help from your friends, with Amanda, with us. You're not alone, and we're going to help you out of this."

Looking up at Olivia, Maddie felt fresh tears slip down her cheeks. "I can't get him out of my head. I can't." She shook her head. "No matter what happens, he won. He got what he wanted. I'm never going to be the same."

The older woman looked over Maddie's head towards Amanda and Barba for help, both of them quickly moving around the couch.

Barba spoke up first, "You're right. You're not going to be the same. But that doesn't mean that he won. It means that you were able to survive, it means that you came out on the other side stronger thank you ever thought possible. He's not going to win because those people saw you, whether they want to admit it or not, they saw what he did to you."