BFDI/BFB Fairytales

Ice Cube White and the Seven Blehs

Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Ice Cube, who lived with her father, Snowball.

"What the flake?" Snowball asked, unamused.

What? It makes sense! You two are probably related to each other anyway! Moving on, the two of them lived in peace for a while before Snowball remarried and Queen Flower became Ice Cube's stepmother.

"But I'm a lesbian for Ruby!" Flower protested. "And you can't say this takes place in BFDI, since you made team Bleh the dwarves."

Um, well, tbh, you wanted him to beat people up for you, and he wanted to be King, so... politics, I guess?

"Oh," Flower said, walking towards the story area, "Sorry Ruby..."

"It's ok!" Ruby said happily. "I'll just be over here, singing Two Trucks Having S*x!"

And so she did.

Anyway, back to the story. Flower was very beautiful and very vain. She had a Magic Mirror and every day, she asked it, "Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

And every day, the Mirror said, "Uh, to clarify, my name's Lightning and I'm only trapped in this mirror, I'm not the mirror itself. But yeah, you are."

However, that would soon change. For you see, Ice Cube was a very lovely girl. She had skin as white as snow ((but all skin tones are equally beautiful, please don't sue me for racism, it's just the fairytale, also I'm a tan skinned Asian myself )), hair as black as night, and lips as red as blood.

"Wait!" Ice Cube said suddenly. "Us objects don't have those things. Is this a human AU?"

Well, it would be, but my humanized version of you is blonde, so uh... I know! Your main Cube body can be the skin, uh, and you can wear this black wig that I just poofed into existence. Also, put this red lipstick around your mouth.

"Ok," Ice Cube said, doing as I told because she's a pushover. "Wait, what do you mean I'm a pushover-?"

Back to the story, Ice Cube was very lovely and every day, she continued to grow prettier and prettier. One day, the Mirror gave a different answer to Flower's daily question.

"Uh, to clarify, my name's Lightning, and I'm only trapped in this mirror, I'm not the mirror itself. And don't shoot the messenger, this isn't my opinion, it was voted in by the viewers. You're still beautiful, but Ice Cube is the fairest of them all."

"What?!!" Flower asked, enraged. She was fuming. "Why, I'll crush you with my newly repaired Announcer crusher!"

"To clarify, is that your plan? Because I'm not an Announcer."

"Hmph," Flower grumbled, annoyed. She decided she currently had more pressing issues to deal with, so she yelled, "SNOWBALL! I NEED YOU TO BEAT SOMEONE UP FOR ME!"

And before you ask, yes, she was actually planning on asking him to beat up his own daughter.

"Ugh, who is it now, Flower?" Snowball asked, rolling his eyes as he trudged into the room, before turning to face the Mirror. "Also, hi, Lightning."

"Thank you! I'm not a mirror!" The Mirror- erm, Lighting said.

"I want you to beat up Ice Cube," Flower ordered, not caring that she had just asked him to murder his own daughter.

"What the flake?" Snowball asked. "I might be a stereotypical jock, but I'm not going to murder my own daughter, even if that daughter's Ice Cube."

"What a wimp," Flower retorted.

Now, as Snowball said earlier, he was a stereotypical jock, which meant that he could not, under any circumstances, be seen as a coward.

So long story short, that's how Ice Cube ended up following Snowball into an obviously suspicious dark forest. Even though it was obvious she was going to be murdered, Ice Cube followed anyway because, once again, she's a pushover. (And now that her "I want revenge" thing is gone, she is 100% pushover).