Idek what this is but lams

Part 3 •dont worry itll end soon•

~Alex's pov~
"Hey, Honey" John says with a bright smile (and a rather cute one at that) I'm in utter shock, I try to move my lips to say something like "Get away from me" or even just bolt out of the school, but my body rejects my brain, "Hey sweetie" I reply whilst I find myself smiling against my will.
What was going on, this was shit.
The words tasted almost disgusting in my mouth. But I kept going for some reason. "I missed you over the March break" John said pulling me into a rather light but still quite sensual kiss.
I hated this. I hated it so much, but a little part of me, a microscopic part of me loved it. That tiny little part of me must've some how taken over because was kissing him back. And it was fucking stupid. But also amazing. But it needed to fucking stop because I hated that guy. I pulled myself away as fast as I could before I woke up. And that was my horrible dream.
I spent the whole day staring at John and trying to figure out what the dream was about. Was John attractive? Sure. Would I go out with him if he wasn't such a bitch? Yes, probably. But did I actually like him? Hell no. So I really didn't understand what was going on in my brain, all I knew is that I wanted it all to go away forever.
I hated John, he hated me. It was as simple as that.
I thought about telling people but I already knew what they would do, Herc and Laf would make fun of me, if I told Angelica she'd go on and on about how "it's probably a sign" and Aaron would just implode, and no one really needs that. So I kept it in, I guess this was my plan from now until eternity.

John pov

My palms were sweaty, my whole hands were shaking, my heart was racing, I could barely think.

I was going to ask out Alex.

I didnt understand why, but i felt as if it was destiny. But thats stupid, because theres no such thing as destiny or fate. Its all just science and math. And according to the science and math (and just common sense in general) Alex would say no and hate me even more than he already did. So why was i going through with this, why had I gotten Alexs home adress from Peggys sister, Angelica, why had I bought flowers for him. Did Alex even like flowers, what did it matter, he already despised me, and theres no way in hell that would change. I knew he was bisexual, as he came out last year, but that didnt matter considering every time he saw me he practically gagged. But I had to go through with this, I was already at his doorstep, and I was holding the salmon alstroemeria I had picked out from the first flower shop I could find.

I had been standing outside for about twenty minutes, it was getting cold, so, I could either just walk home or ring the doorbell, as much as I wanted to ring the door bell and confess how I truly felt about a guy who hates me right to his face I wouldve been better off just leaving and staying in the closet to everyone but my best friend Peggy Schuyler and my mother. But screw being better off. I wanted to be with Alex.