A Broken Heart!

A Broken Heart (I)

It was Friday evening when the sun hides her face behind the shed of the crimson horizon. And the atmosphere was nurturing a baby cloud that is busy spewing a dense air. The silent breath of the sky reacts with the melody of birds flying above the array of trees I was walking in between makes me feel like worries have no place in this home; a place we all called home; Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria.

Dressed in a light blue Kaftan decorated with the finest hand sewing of Zaria City which was perfectly matched with my Zanna cap of Maiduguri. And supporting my toes are black Italian half shoes. My left wrist was anchored with a beautiful silver Rolex that was busy radiating the neatness of my dress.

As I am walking, my composure always send a message of a charming scent that would make you ask "wow! Who is this?" The cufflinks on my wrists would give anyone that see me an impression about how smart I claim to be.

I was walking, like I don't want to. My square shoulders, the swing of my hands straight to my direction and the looks of my face that is radiating a smile are enough to tell you how determined I was in breaking my silence about my new crush.

The smile on my face was drifted away when I saw a beautiful lady sitting alone in a Pharmaceutical garden. From the look on her face, you don't need to be told that loneliness is tearing her apart. I make a few steps back to her direction.

"Assalam Alaikum", is my starting words.
I got a weird two seconds look, as my reply. I pushed my disappointment away and continue talking to her like she matters to me;

"Hajiya, you're too beautiful to allow loneliness to steal your happiness. In fact, he's afraid of your smile, he told me that yesterday".

I wasn't surprised when her pale smile takes a toll of her silent.

She said, "and who is that you are talking about"?
With a smile on my face, I replied, " of course, loneliness".

"He told you himself"? She asked.

"Yes he did", I respond.

She looks at me for the first time since I come to her, and she said, " maybe he lied to you".
I quickly tried to counter, "and maybe..........."

Surprise, fear and curiosity had stolen my courage to continue talking. It was tears rolling on her chicks. I sit nervously without knowing what to do and how to do it.

"Am Ibrahim", I broke our silence.

I continue; "many times in our life, tears, self-isolation and rumination wouldn't be a solution to our problems. We have to be courageous to fight back. Because if we couldn't fight our anger, our heart would never find solace. And I can see through you, you can fight yours and you could surely win".

It was a deep breath that broke her moment of silence before she continues, " Am Aisha. I appreciate your kindness but I couldn't read a book my life, because all I can see is a blank page.  therefore, I see no reason to proceed with reading it".

"Yeah, I see. But Aisha, when we come into this world all our books are empty. It's our committees and determination to prosper that fills all the blank pages with miracles.

"In response to your claim that, 'you see no reason to proceed', yes, there are many reasons to proceed, and believe me you will.

"Many people make a mistake of letting people write their future; be it family, friends, co-workers or anyone that may cross their path. Believe me, Aisha, people are too busy and too selfish to decorate your blank pages with happiness. You have to do it yourself.

"Most times people are depressed as a result of disappointment they encounter from others, and not a disappointment from oneself of course.

"The truth is, we are our life and our life is us, we have to cherish each other without letting someone to decide when we should be happy or otherwise".
She responds, " you said Ibrahim is your name, right?

"Yes, it is", I replied.

She continues, "you don't ask me anything about my feelings, but you keep on knocking on it".

"I don't need to", I replied.

"I have given up on life, but your words are telling me life has not given up on me yet", she said.

"Of course, life still needs you", I replied.

I continue, " Aisha I don't need to ask the reason behind your depression because the solution of your problem is not really to know what the problem is, rather remind you how valuable your life is and how small your anger is to make you give up on life.

"Even if ask you, I know the answer would never be more than how disappointed you are by someone or something.

"Aisha when you value the opinion of someone above your happiness or when you prioritized something over your purpose, you are definitely allowing your emotions to dictate your actions which in my opinion is a mistake many people make.

"Because the disappointment we may get from anything we value more than our lives short-circuit the faculty of our positive thinking and narrow our chances of living a happy life. This trauma if exacerbated make us isolate ourselves and hide our worries from our closest peer, which in turn caused psychological hijacking, and thereby making us see no reason to live".

"Thank you, Ibrahim". Was her reply before she proceeds:

"Your words strike right through my heart. I can see life is worth living".

"I am you glad you did, Aisha", I replied.

She silently opened her purse, looking at something I couldn’t guess what?

She said, “It was Eleven, and I guessed you were going to somewhere before my grief takes you away. I am so sorry to disturb you with my miserable moment. But please find some time for me to talk about my poor life”

With a wide smile on my face, I replied, “never mind, am all yours. Here is my number, call me any time you like. And if you don’t mind let me take you to your hostel because you are too beautiful to be walking alone”.

I then sing some lines that I borrowed from " More Than a Band" in Lemonade Mouth:

"I can't pretend to know how you feel
But know that I'm here, know that I'm real
Say what you want or don't talk at all
Not gonna let you fall
Reach for my hand 'Cause it's held out for you
My shoulders are small, but you can cry on them too
Everything changes but one thing is true,
Understand we'll always be more than a band".

Her smile turned into laughter and we start walking together like I am the man who she wants to be walking with.

It's about fifteen minutes after Eleven when we exchanged warmth smiles as good night compliments.

I was walking back to the hostel with my heart full of happiness, reminding myself a smile I put on the lips of the depressed person. If my life ends today, I would have a story to tell; my words echoed in the ears of depressed.

©MaiJamaa|2018