He still hurts

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The concentration on his face whilst he assembles a cannabis infused cigarette with two other friends makes my heart melt. It makes me imagine how he'd look if he were to concentrate on me, oh my. That thought sends chills through my body.

Thirteen of us sitting in this room with the smell of weed lingering through the warm air and the sound of everyone having individual conversations and grime music playing in the background.

I start to imagine what we would be doing if it was just us two in this room. Would he be laying on top of me on this bed? Or would I be sitting on his lap with my arms draped around his neck? Or would be playfully be fighting with each other? I want him so badly, all to myself.

I need to stop staring at him before someone catches me. But I don't want to, because maybe the second I look away he'll do something important or specific and I'll miss it. Maybe the second I look away, he'll look at me and I want to connect with him. No! Stop it, now!

A few moments after I stop looking at him, my friend tapped me on the shoulder and passed me the joint. I put it in between my lips, inhaled the drugs and exhaled whilst looking at this handsome man one last time for a long while...

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