10 short stories ft. your favorite fairy tale villain(?)

The Man and his Violin

Meet the man and his violin. Looking for a place to play his instrument in privacy, he finds... something? An evil villain, deep dark woods, bleeding eardrums: anything you could ever ask for in a fairy tale. There's just one thing left - ARE YOU READY TO CRINGE?

There once was a man who wanted to make beautiful music. The problem was, every time he tried, everyone within earshot would faint. Flowers drooped, dead branches crashed to the ground, wild animals scurried helter-skelter left and right, and everyone was generally miserable. The man never noticed a thing, too engrossed in his playing to see anything else.

The man's favorite instrument was his violin. It was a beauty, dark rosewood with a resonant tone, at least for people who played it correctly. The man also had in his possession a long baroque bow which had been broken multiple times. He loved his instrument and thought that, since he was an "incredible" player, the town was lucky to have him.

One day the man was warming up with his scales in the square. He liked to play in the square because when he did everyone could hear him play and rejoice. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He had memorized the piece he was going to play-

"Hey!" One of his friends was walking up to him, massaging one of the many bumps and bruises he had on his head from falling over so many times. The man sighed. This always happened. For some reason, everyone always interrupted him right before he was about to blow them away with his beautiful music. His friend sat down next to him and said, "Well, y'know, I think that that the forest is, y'know, quieter than the, umm, square this time of year. Maybe you should go, go practice in the woods, y'know."

"Actually, do you know what? I think that's a pretty good idea," the man laughed. "I think I'll actually do that."

And just like that, he whipped his violin away and headed into the woods, swinging his case behind him.

"I almost feel sorry for him, y'know," the man's friend said to one of the random passers-by as he wiped nervous sweat from his forehead.

The deeper the man walked into the forest, the more scared and nervous he became. The branches of the trees seemed to stretch out towards him, to grab him, to hold him in their scaly embrace forevermore. He could hear whispers that were somehow coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. A branch cracked in the distance, sending a shiver up his spine. But he plodded on, thinking for some reason that once he got to the heart of the wood, he would be able to practice in peace and quiet.

He was wrong.

As he stepped over a pile of brambles, he saw the strangest thing- there were two trees exactly opposite, bowed down with their branches interlocking like a tangled kite string. The branches arched over the ground in the shape of a door. It seemed to lead somewhere, but the man couldn't really tell.

All of the man's instincts told him to turn away, to get out of these woods now, to leave this place and never come back. But he pushed himself on. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," he muttered to himself. "It's probably just an old hermit." But his heart was beating rather faster than usual and he was sweating profusely. He passed through the door and at first saw an empty room. The door had led to a dome, also entirely woven from branches. There was a hole in the roof, presumably to let out the smoke from the fire crackling underneath it. As he looked around this barren spot he saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

Suddenly, in a blur, a two-foot-tall man jumped out from behind him and screamed in an impossibly high-pitched voice, "I am Rumpelstiltskin! You have trespassed in my home and now you shall be severely punished!" he aimed one of those classic jumping karate kicks at the man, but as he couldn't jump very high or very far, he ended up on his bottom on the dirt floor. The man snickered. "IT'S NOT FUNNY," Rumplestiltskin cried, "You have committed a second crime and now your punishment will be even worse!"

He sat down and started muttering to himself, thinking up many possible tortures, each one more gruesome than the last. During this time, the man thought very hard: Whatshisname was very small and probably couldn't hurt him at all. What was the worst he could do, kick him in the shins? Anyway, the man could defend himself. He cleared his throat and said, "I'm so sorry, Mister Rumblestilts, but I just came here to practice my violin. I'll leave if you want me to."

"NO! You will stay and suffer through your punishment!" He snapped his fingers and vines coiled like octopus tentacles to cover the arch of the doorway. The man's eyes widened. He started thinking fast. He could try to clamber out the hole in the ceiling, but he was no acrobat and Rumplestiltskin would undoubtedly zap him with his "magic powers" if he made a movement towards the hole.

Then like something had crept up and bitten him, Rumplestiltskin leaped up from the ground, his eyes aglow with malice. "I've got it! First, I'll make you break out in hives and blisters. Then I'll dangle you from the ceiling by your wrists and ankles over the fire, not low enough for you to get burned, but low enough so that you can feel the heat. You'll stay there for two or three years, then I'll let you go."

"But... all I did was wander into this empty hole then laugh at you when you fell down, which you have to admit was funny! I don't deserve to starve to death in this horrible place!"

"Now, now, you needn't worry about that. I'm going to give you food and water. I like to keep my victims alive, see. It's more fun to watch them suffer." He grinned.

The man responded desperately, "But I just came to play my violin!"

Rumplestiltskin's grin widened as he said, "Oh, did you really?" like he hadn't heard the man saying it a hundred time before. "Well, I do love music. I'll tell you what. Maybe if you play well enough for me, I'll lessen your punishment a little bit."

So the man slowly started to take his violin out of the case, even though he didn't quite believe Rumplestiltskin. But as he placed his violin on his shoulder, Rumplestiltskin exclaimed, "No, I take it all back! You don't have proper form! I'll give you your rightful punishment now!"

Well, it was worth a try, thought the man gloomily, but he decided that maybe, if he started to play really beautifully, Rumplestiltskin would let him off scot-free anyway.

As Rumplestiltskin waved his arms around like a dead jellyfish, eyes closed, the man tightened his bow to perfection. He took up his violin again, took a deep breath, and began to play with his heart and soul.

Rumplestiltskin froze, midwave, and for second, a split second, anyone who looked at him would have seen a deep, dark, anger in his eyes, more frightening than anything anyone could ever dream up, and in that moment, Rumplestiltskin vowed revenge, that he would find the man and give him his punishment if it was the last thing he did. No one could break into his house and get away with it. Then he keeled over into the fire, but he man didn't even notice. The vines and branches slithered away from the doorway like frightened snakes, but the man didn't even notice. When the man was finished, he called out, "Thank you for your hospitality, Mister Lumpy Stats!" Rumplestiltskin didn't respond, but the man didn't even notice. And as he was walking from the dome after an accomplished practice, he started to break out in hives and blisters. But the man didn't even notice.

Next up: When the woman with a lizard for eyes stumbles into reincarnated Rumplestiltskin's new hideout, how will she escape? Coming in a couple weeks or maybe never.

And yes, she literally has a lizard for eyes. This is on another planet, duh.