My Feelings Are Tied In Knots

Darlin' You'll Be Okay ^_^

Note: This is about depression, self-harm, suicide, etc. I felt like writing this because I feel like these are things that people go through everyday. Many might understand and others won't. I wanted to show how strongly I felt about this topic. So, if you don't like reading things like this then I suggest don't continue. I don't mean to offend. Again just stating POV's of others like me. And if you are going though hard times I suggest telling someone you trust before it gets worst.

Do you ever feel like dying? Like everything that happens to you is all bullshit. Like it could be a simple day then It's like the world is just trying so hard to make you feel like crap. Like it's throwing problems at you from every angle. Well, I can assure you that you are not even close to being alone. Why do we deserve this feeling? How many times do I have to pray to God to fix them? 10? 50? 100 times. I don't know.

My friends sometimes ask me if I'm alright. I say yea and smile. But I'm not. I feel tired and sad. I don't feel like that all the time though. Sometimes I am sincerely happy. Mostly with my best friends and close family members.Then other times I want to just lay down and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just sleep. I wouldn't say I'm sad most of the time in my life. Just maybe some days here and some days there. But it just hits me. Then I get depressed.

I might always joke around and say I want to kill myself, but am I really joking? Am I truly happy? I hate that little voice in my head that says it's ok to just give up. Like it's no big deal. And most times I agree with that voice. I agree and say,"What's the use? I feel awful and stupid so why not? It's not like anyone would miss me. Mostly everyone hates me right now. So why not!"I don't know why I feel so depressed and useless some times. How can I feel better? With medication? That crap doesn't work! Drugs? Not even. Everything won't disappear with a single puff. Drinking? Nope. Taking gulps of that stuff won't make life better. That's when dying seems like paradise.

But this decision is serious. Do I really want to die? Do I really want to never see anyone again? Never get to eat my favorite foods again? Watch my favorite shows? Experience love with all my heart? Have the career of my dreams? Have kids? Experience true happiness? Have adventures? Never hug anyone again? No one really thinks about these things when they die or feel like dying. It's scary, but this is real. I can understand both sides. One side of this being beyond stupid. Then wanting this more than anything. People get pushed over the edge and they do crazy stuff. Some people can't handle certain things and they just want to end it. That doesn't make us insane. It makes us human. The human mind, body, and soul is an amazing thing. Why should we waste it by us being taken over by the thought of suicide or cutting ourselves? Dying on purpose is not paradise. It's something that should be taken care of. We need therapy right when the thought of suicide strikes us. We need people. We need to go out into the world and smell the roses. Find something to live for. Find the reason to stand strong when you are down.

Life is not an easy place to walk around in. There's cracks, hate , pain, suffering, and temptations. But there's also love, friendship, joy, beauty, relief, and goals. There's so much to live for. The world is like a canvas. When things get lumpy and messy don't just throw it away. Grab a different color and paint over all of that, wait til it dries up, then continue painting. Yea, the colors might mix, but that's life. Things get everywhere and things get mixed together. Just take a step back and think.

You are beautiful. You are worth something. You have the privilege to breath and feel. Don't take it for granted. You have someone who truly cares about you. Whether it's one of your friends or family members or neighbors or teachers. No one can ever replace you. EVER! There is only one of you and you are perfect. Forget what society thinks! The only thing that matters is what you think. I hope everyone can stay. Stay here and grow old.

The lonely. The depressed.The suicidal. The helpless. The weak.The afraid. And more. Because one day all of that will go away. Life still won't be perfect from when you move on from those emotions. Life is hard. You can either cower in a corner from it or face it head on. With Cowering you won't be able to move on. Facing it head on will show you have courage and strength. Face things head on. Don't hold back. No matter the struggle! That heart that is beating in your chest is telling you to keep going! Ignore that little voice that is telling you to give up! Cause you have the strength, I have the strength, and everyone has that strength! We just have to move on from the bad things that are hurting us. Now. Because I can assure you that you'll be okay.

*Thank you everyone for reading this. I'm really happy to have written that. This is real. It's happening everywhere. And we can choose whether to be the cause or the helper.The victim is afraid. The cause could shatter that person. The helper can build that person up. Be a helper. This subject crossed my mind today and I wanted everyone to know you are not alone. Go and find the beauty of the world that is behind the ugly.