To be King...

Chpt. 4 Missed You

AN:// Sorry for the late update again, work has been crazy and I'm exhausted. Now onto the story!

  She asked Becka to go on ahead of her, wanting to deal with this by herself. Nate pulled her along behind him, fingers wrapped around hers like when they were little. Her other hand feels empty, the ghost of even smaller fingers running through it. They go around a corner, near a tree in the school yard, where Nate stops. He doesn't let go of her hand for a moment, and when he does she stuffs her hands in her pockets so he doesn't see them shake.

"Um, how are you?" he asks after a moment, barely managing to keep his eyes level with hers.

"Okay I guess. You?" she says, swallowing thickly. Talking didn't used to be this hard.

"Um... I've been better." he shrugs, and though she knows what he is, what someone like him has done to her family, what he has done to her, she cares. She wants to know, but holds her tongue.

"H-how's your mom?" A blush fills his face as the silence goes on, and it's a red as it was when he was still a kid. She almost smiles.

"Good, still teaching, still hovering. We moved, we're living with Becka now. You remember her I guess?" Adira says trying to sound as unaffected as possible. It doesn't work, and her throat tightens. He fidgets where he stands, hands wrapped around the strap of his messenger bag.

"Yeah, yeah I remember you talking about her a bit. Never really met her though..." Nate mutters, looking down at his toes for a second. In that moment of silence he sucks in a breath and straightens up, a new resolve in his eyes.

"Listen, um, I know you probably don't want to be talking to me... after everything. Um, but I want to say that I'm sorry. F-for acting the way I did, for shying away, for not being there. I'm a fucking ass, I know. And I'm so so so sorry. I didn't, couldn't know what you were going through. I'm sorry." He sounds almost lost, helpless, when he speaks that last line. Tears line both their eyes.

"I know it's not your fault Nate. I knew that when I was 11, but it was hard. I wanted you there, but then I didn't, and it seemed you didn't want to be there anyway. We were kids. It wasn't your fault." she tells him once she's collected herself enough to talk. She didn't think she'd be having this talk with him today, or any day. When the boys went to Europe after her break down she never thought she'd see Nate again, but here he is... and she's missed him.

"I've missed you Addy." he says, sounding a lot like the little boy he used to be. "You were the only warm thing in my life. The only real thing. The both of you." And it hits her hard, the tears coming a little faster. Willow was her little sister, but she was also Nate's best friend. They both lost her, and lost each other. Most of her memories with her sister also include Nate, so while it may have been hard to be around him at first, those memories attached to him always present, she is thankful for it now.

"I've missed you too Nate." she says, voice still a little thick and emotional. He smiles softly at her and begins to dig in his pocket.

"Here." he says, holding out a black piece of cloth.

"A handkerchief?" she says with amusement in her voice, taking it and cleaning up her face a little.

"Yeah, it's Seff's. No, I think that one's actually Darc's." Nate says, squinting at the silver crest in the bottom corner. "Definitely Darci's. Seff would have used gold."

Adira manages a little laugh and Nate motions at her to keep the hanky, so she slips it into her pocket, a bit of a smile on her face.

"Listen, I want you to come to the party at the Castle tonight. You don't have to, of course. I just want to see you. We could go do something else if you wanted." he says, looking a little nervous, but excited.

"No, Becka's been asking me to go. I'll go. Just don't leave me on my own in there." She smiles a little at him, her fingers rubbing the fabric in her pocket. It's a smooth sort of cotton maybe. Pretty absorbent, but also really soft. It helps her nerves.

"Alright! Cool, I'll, uh, I'll see you there then!" Nate leans forward a little, almost as if he's going to hug her, but soon thinks better of it and squeezes her shoulder. A little cough behind them startles them out of their nervous joy. When they turn, Becka is standing there, the buses all having gone.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I drove, so if you guys want a ride I could..." he trails off a little as Adira shakes her head.

"It's alright Nate, we can walk." Becka and Nate both look a little disappointed by this, but neither question her.

"Um, tell your mom I said hi." Nate says, almost uncertain;y. Her mother was never overly fond of him, but they got along well enough.

"Tell yours the same." Adira says, waving at him as he walks across the parking lot towards his car.

"I will!" he shouts back after cross the street. Adira was on pretty good terms with Elane Cabot, even now. They didn't spend much time together, but the woman was always nice to her and made sure Adira was comfortable in her home.

As they see Nate start the car, her and Becka head in the same general direction. Becka is practically vibrating with her curiosity and ready to explode with questions.

"Soooo?" Becka nearly begs. 

"So... were going to the party." Adira finally says, and Becka squeals. The questions come pouring out as they head home, and Adira answers what she can with a small smile on her face.