sinful. | ijb + ksg.

end.

Coming clean to Irene was difficult. Seulgi couldn't breathe, couldn't swallow air as her lungs shrivelled up, stomach expanded with the urge to throw everything up—to throw emptiness up, to throw her heart up. Her palms were sweaty and shaky, eyes laced red with tears shed and those who lingered behind for another round. She went to Wendy first, cried with guilt for betraying Irene, but she mostly cried because Jaebum was leaving, and she didn't know if she got her feelings across.

And that was horrible of her, so she sobbed even harder for being so selfish.

She could barely evoke any words. Explanations were interrupted by heaves, by exhales, by more rapid tears descending down her cheeks. Seulgi crumpled tight fingers into her lap as she finally, finally managed to confess what happened earlier that day. She couldn't meet Irene in the eyes, but she knew she was crying, too.

"H-How could you do this?" Irene croaked out.

"I'm sorry, I just—" Seulgi had no answer.

"If you loved him all along why did you even bother asking me out?" Voice loud, Irene stood and viciously wiped her tears away with the heels of her palms. "This is my own fault. I knew.... I knew you had something with Jaebum. I saw it in the way you looked at him, but I thought it was nothing. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't even be upset right now because you were never mine to begin with. You were always his."

And still Seulgi had no answer. They just cried in separate rooms. Irene locked herself in the bedroom, and Seulgi stayed in the living room.

Then Jaebum flew to America without Seulgi seeing him off

take care of yourself, seul.

She and Irene broke up officially a few days later, but they were over the moment Seulgi kissed Jaebum—or they were never really together to begin with. Seulgi went to live with Wendy, spending most of her nights curled up in bed and mentally punishing herself for fucking up so bad. She had no one to blame but herself. She should have told Jaebum to begin with. Told him not to set up her and Irene because she was in love with him. Things got out of hand, and she didn't know how to say no to anyone except herself. She knew how to say no to herself.

Jaebum texted from time to time, but she couldn't bring herself to reply because she felt like shit. He didn't give up checking in on her, though he didn't pester too much. She appreciated it, but she was too busy wallowing in her own grief to do anything.

"You can't just stay in bed, Seulgi," Wendy told her, concerned.

"I go to work."

"Yeah, but that doesn't count. It's been two months. You have to forgive yourself soon."

She adamantly shook her head. "Easier said than done."

"Unnie's moved on. She's seeing someone right now—"

"And what does that have to do with me?" Seulgi shot Wendy a narrowed stare.

"Talk to Jaebum. And talk to him properly. I know you still love him, but does he know? I think he deserves to know," Wendy egged, squeezing Seulgi's arm across the cafe table.

"That's not really conversation suited for the phone."

"So? At least you're being honest with yourself for once!"

"What good would it do if i tell him? He has a life in America now, and I'm here." Seulgi retrieved her arm, tucking them under the table. "He's too far away."

"But he's still here." Wendy leaned over, pointing to Seulgi's heart. "I know that was cheesy. But do you want to miss your chance with him? Do you want him happy with or without you?"