All or Nothing

New Apartment

The new apartment wasn't that big. There was a narrow hallway that had the bathroom off to the side. At the end was a kitchen opening to the living room, with a tiny balcony looking over the river. Off to the left of the living room was 2 bedrooms. Both were direct copy and pastes of each other. I dragged my bags into the first one. It had white walls, white bed sheets, white cupboards, white bedside tables and a white TV cabinet (the TV being the size of laptop). I dropped my bags and flopped on the bed. I was finally here. I was living in the city, close to my university. The only thing that could be considered bad was this was a share house. Another guy was supposed to be coming tomorrow, and my little introverted mind didn't like the idea of having to say good morning to someone every day, especially someone I didn't know every well. I sat up and unzipped my bag. I hung up my shirts and jackets, put a photo of my mum and dad on my bedside and one of my 2 dogs, and threw my collection of books-to-read on the TV cabinet and tried to make them look neat. I then looked at my flag. It sat at the bottom of my bag, folded neatly. The 3 bright colours stared up at me. I pull it out held it out. The 3 strips of pink, yellow and blue filled me with pride, but a little bit of fear. I was so proud when I had found out what pansexuality was. I had found other people like myself, and I felt more comfortable with myself. But I was cocky at first. I would tell people without thinking and they would tell me that they didn't agree with that kind of thing, or I was just confused, or it was just a phase. Now, I was much more careful of who I told because hanging this flag up could result in 2 things. One, someone would know what it means that say it was all cool and that they supported or just plain didn't care, or two, someone would know what it means and be offended and say that they couldn't live with someone like me. For the time being I folded it back up and shut it in my cupboard. I changed into more comfortable clothes and walked around. Trying to find something to do. I could sleep. But it was 2 in the afternoon. The room was so new and fresh. I found it hard to do something without it feeling awkward. I went into the kitchen and did my instinct of opening the fridge and just staring. Everything was empty. I wasn't surprised, but I would have liked to be. At least it gave me something to do. I grabbed my wallet, keys and phone and stepped outside. I locked the door and double checked it. Then I set out to buy myself some instant ramen that would last me the whole of my 4 years at uni.