Heartfelt

Emelie-Rose

Taking a deep breath I step inside. Inside the place I haven't been for nearly a year. I'm not even sure what excuse they used for me.

Family trouble?
Homeschooling?
Personal issues?

Any of them would be right. Family troubles for sure, homeschooling yes, personal issues 100%. I don't even know myself how I've managed to lose the weight and be back to the same figure I was before in this short amount of time. Yet I've done it, which is why I'm back here. I refused to come back before I looked the same as when I left- I didn't want anyone knowing.

Not that there was anyone here to force me to come back, but school did a good enough job of that themselves. Somehow I've managed to be back before they even thought I would be, which is definitely a win on my part. Before I left I always exceeded expectations in school; it's good to see I'm still doing that now.

"Dianne!! I didn't expect to see you here so soon. It's good to have you back."

The headteacher smiles at me as I slide into the seat opposite him.

"It's good to be back."

I say, genuinely meaning it. Obviously I've loved every second of my time out, but I like school, and I can't wait to fall back into routine.

"So, when you're in school, where will she be?"

"At nursery. Full time. Every day. I have it all sorted, she won't need me unless she's unwell and has to go home. In which case I can't ignore that and I will have to leave school. She comes first."

My voice is firm, but it needs to be. School has always been my first priority, but now it must slide into second. After a second of silence he nods his head; he knows there's no point in trying to argue with me about it.

"Ah yes, I understand. Now here is a copy of your timetable. Are you actually in school today or...?"

"No, I'm coming in on Monday and starting my time back in a new week if that's okay?"

He beams,

"I think that's an excellent idea. I look forward to having you back in."

"Thank you, have a good day."

I give him a small smile before leaving the room. It was a successful 'meeting'. Mainly we went over what would be happening in case of emergencies at school, both for me and her, and what I've missed during my time out. It's going to be hard this year. I have all my exams in less than 3 months and I need to learn nearly the entire course for some things. Obviously I was fully aware of this before I left, and have been working my butt off at home to be at least half decent at some subjects. Now I'm still not sure it's going to be enough.

Obviously the school are aware of the situation, and the real reason I left. They're the only ones. I have no one left here to care in terms of family, and my friends all seemed pretty satisfied with the 'I have a long-term illness if you see me you'll die' excuse. So no one, apart from school, the nursery and the hospital/doctors know. You could say it's pretty private. And that's the way I want to keep it, to myself.

Having a child is the best thing in the entire world. Okay so the actual birth is the worst thing in the world and is pure hell, but it's completely worth it. Even my 18 hour labour was worth it, holding my beautiful little Emelie-Rose after it. Constantly I was warned about the possible complications, me being just 15 only increased these risks. But I didn't need to worry. She weighed just 5 pounds 10, her tiny fingers gripped onto my pinky for dear life as I held her close. When she opened her eyes for the first time, her piercing blue eyes bored into my soul. It was perfect. She was perfect. She still is. But I'm biased- why wouldn't I be? She's my child after all.