Love always, Arabella // Harry Styles Fanfic

02

sarang
(n.) love; "I wish to be with you until death"
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Harry's POV

Earlier this week, I had received a thick package in the mail. It was strange because it didn't have a return address. I was skeptical. But I flipped the package and with big, glittery letters the name "Arabella" was written on it. My heart felt light like my breathe had been taken away. Today would have been the fifth anniversary of your death Arabella and I miss you so much. You took a piece of my heart with you when you died. I haven't been the same since you left us. Who would send this though? Who in their right mind would send me a package with your name on it. It couldn't be you. Is this real? Is this some type of joke? I'm too scared to open it. I'm afraid of what I will find inside. I carefully tear at the package. I dump out the contents. One being your journal and a separate note. I recognized the notebook. I would recognize it anywhere. It's the one you always carried around. The one that you would write in. I would tease you for it. I never understood why you would write so much. I wanted all your attention especially since you were really sick. I was scared because I knew what the outcome of this would be. I open note first. Curiosity finally getting to me. I felt my heart fall to the pit of my stomach and a sob slowly erupt from my throat. It was from you. The nickname. The nickname only you would call me. I glide my eyes over your note taking in what it was saying,

"Dearest Harold, haha don't think that just because I'm about to die it doesn't mean I have lost my sense of humor. I will always call you Harold even though it sounds like an old man's name. Baby I'm so so sorry I had to go. My sickness was getting the best of me. I couldn't fight it off anymore. It was consuming me. Not only was I dying but I was also forgetting. I will never forget you though baby you were my everything. I will always be there for you. Always. But don't worry I have a letter for you that's what the journal has. But here I'm going to give you instructions. Please listen to me because i want all these people to know that I cared for them even if I died without saying goodbye. I want you guys to know that you guys were the reasons I chose to live even when I was about to die and wanted to give up. Love you always, Arabella"

Oh my dearest Arabella. I don't understand. Why did you do this? And why five years after your death? Can't you see we miss you we can't move on if you do things like these. But as her boyfriend I was supposed to be her husband I felt an obligation a need to do as she said. And I did anything for my sweet angel. But first I needed to know the contents of this journal I need to know what we were in for. I turned to the first page already feeling like I was in Arabella's mind as I read the first few sentences.

Journal Entry #1
I am near death I know it. I can feel it in my now sensitive lungs. In the way I can hardly walk. In the way I can't breathe without this machine. I know I know. I shouldn't be thinking so negatively. But I feel like I need to prevent the inevitable. I need to say goodbye even if it isn't with my voice. Even if it's just through words on a piece of paper. So you're probably wondering why would she do this? She still has time? But really I have always thought and felt like my death would be spontaneous and out of no where. There would be no time for goodbye no time to say bye to you fourteen people that have truly changed my life. You have taught me to smile and be strong. Something I would have never have done or been without you.

So I guess welcome. Welcome to my final thoughts as I lay dying on this hard and uncomfortable hospital bed. I really wish I was home laying in my bed maybe cuddled up to my boyfriend Harry. Oh Harry how much I will miss you. You really were there when no one else was. But you know what I'll save that for your letter. 
                            Love always,
                          Arabella Fawn

I couldn't breathe my eyes were blurred by my tears. Baby I wish you were still here. We would probably be married by now maybe have our own children. You left too soon. It wasn't your time. Fuck your sickness. You don't deserve this. You didn't deserve this. I shut the journal hardly being able to take in all the information.

Arabella was always different. In a good way. She was fun, outgoing, care free. If anything I was the shy one in the relationship. She taught me how to be free how to feel again. Now I feel like everything that I ever loved or cared about was torn from me. I miss your child like behavior, the way you literally bent over and fell back when I made you laugh, that smile. The most beautiful smile.

Waking up every morning next to you was a gift truly. The way your hair layed across the pillow, the light snores (sometimes loud), the way you looked up at me with a eye crinkling smile as soon as you woke up. The way your lips felt against mine. I miss everything about you. You were my everything. I miss you so fucking much.

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I literally cried while writing this. I hope you guys enjoy. Also yes it is partially inspired by thirteen reasons why
-gwen