Far Too Young To Die // brallon

five

"Brendon, could I talk to you alone for a minute?" Spencer asks. Brendon stands up, Dallon looking at him worriedly. He doesn't remember a thing from last night. He only knows that he woke up in Dallon's arm whilst wearing his sweater and had the taste of alcohol on his tongue. Dallon hasn't told him about the not wanting to live thing or the kiss. Those are secrets he's gonna keep to himself for a little bit.

Brendon and Spencer leave the room and he closes the door behind them.

"I know about you and Dallon," he says. Brendon frowns.

"What about us?"

"That you're dating," Spencer says quietly. Brendon shakes his head quickly.

"No, no, you've got it wrong, Dallon and I aren't dating. I don't even think Dallon likes men," Brendon tells him.

"Brendon, I saw the way you were looking at him. That's how someone looks at someone they love."

Brendon tenses and looks down. 

"But I guess this gives me a good time to tell you that—... I'm dating..." Spencer begins, so Brendon looks back up and at him in confusion. "Jon and I are together."

"What?!" 

"Hey, you can't get upset, I'm not getting upset with the fact that you and Dallon are dating," Spencer says.

"What? Brendon and I aren't dating," Dallon suddenly says, causing them to jump. He frowns. "What made you think that?"

"You guys spend a lot of time together. Plus, you hug him a lot," Spencer says. Dallon goes to argue, but decides against outing the fact that Brendon's currently suicidal.

"I have my reasons that I'll tell you another time, but no, Brendon and I aren't dating," Dallon says. The realization hits Spencer and Brendon looks at him with a fearful and pleading look. 

"Oh, my mistake then. Um, there's something else I need to talk to you about," Spencer says, grabbing Brendon's arm and leading him out of the hallway. They walk into Spencer's room. "Oh my god, you're in love with Dallon," Spencer says. Brendon swallows before nodding nervously. 

"He... he doesn't know, okay?" Brendon says in a quiet, scared voice.

"How long has this been a thing?!" Spencer asks in complete shock. Brendon hesitates. "Brendon." Spencer continues to look at him. Brendon looks at him, then sighs.

"Remember when you were telling us that story about the squirrel? How it attacked you when you were at the park?"

"It was a chipmunk, but yeah? Why?"

"And how I acted really weird that day?"

"Yes?"

"Because when Luke walked in and said something about you telling the story that made Dallon laugh, and... I don't know, I looked at him and it was like he was completely different. I realized I was in love with him, and... at first I thought that it would just go away, thought it was just a crush, but two and a half years later and he's still the only fucking thing on my mind," Brendon says as tears begin to form in his eyes. 

"You've been in love with him for over two years?"

Brendon nods, taking a few deep breaths. 

"God, almost everything I've written has been about him, it's not—... Fuck, I'm losing my mind over him, Spence," Brendon says.

"Everything makes so much sense now."

"What?"

"I thought all of this was because of Ryan, but then Jon told me that you all ran into each other about a year ago and you didn't seem awkward around him whatsoever and that's what caught me off guard. Whenever someone mentioned Ryan, you'd look uncomfortable, but that's because...?"

"Because Dallon was around and... I don't know, it's like talking about your ex boyfriend to your current boyfriend, it just feels uncomfortable," Brendon says.

"Do you think Dallon likes you back? I mean, he said he has his own reasons for hugging you and spending so much time with you," Spencer asks carefully. 

"No, no, there's no way. Dallon... no, even if we were the last people on earth, he wouldn't want to date me."

Spencer nods.

"Is there anything else you've been hiding? I mean, I feel like we're disconnected. I wanna understand you again, and it's a little hard when-"

"I've been cutting," Brendon says quickly but immediately regrets even saying it. Spencer's eyes widen with fear and he tenses up. He replays it in his mind, hoping maybe he heard him wrong, but he knows Brendon said it.

"Wh... What...?" Spencer asks, obviously hurt.

"For the past year or two, I... sometimes knowing that I'll never be enough for him gets to me too much. He doesn't know, and even if he finds out, I don't want him to know that he's the reason. I just... it's all too much now, and I can't—" 

Spencer pulls him into a tight hug. Brendon hugs him back and begins to cry silently. 

"I love you, man. Don't forget that, alright? You're my best friend."

"I love you too. I just... I don't know what to do, I... I think I need to tell him."

"No, you can't tell him," Spencer says. They pull away.

"What? Why not?"

"I mean, what if he... doesn't like you back? That'll completely ruin you, I don't wanna see you like that. Plus, what if he doesn't? What would happen to the band?"

"Then I'll be able to move on. I can't move on from something if it's a secret. I need him to know and if he doesn't then I can move on."

"But if you don't move on?" Spencer asks.

"I'll be fine," Brendon says, but Spencer shakes his head. Brendon suddenly stops. "Wait, you and Jon are really dating?"