Dear Alia,

My Rabb's plan!

Without you, my heart breaks a little bit more everyday. It's like there's no one to protect my heart from shattering over and over again. Overrated description? Hahaa, I don't care.
In the midst of it all, I know that I have my Rahman! Alhumdulillah

Just that, the world and its affairs, sadden me, disappoint me and break my already broken heart with each realization that you're not with me anymore.. I wonder if you're up there, laughing at me at the moment?!

Today, I went with Bhabi to Abu hail Centre after my masjid. You know, the perfect hour for our perfect hangout? I also went to Kabayel.
Yes. Without you.
Going through that bridge to AbuHail, feeling the materials of those scarves, rushing to get back home before Maghrib, I could almost hear your constant chattering and you shouting "Fatoooom" and "Fateeemmaa" on the roads! The winds were quite literally reminding me of you:) feel honored?
When I see light in your room through the window, while walking to our car parking or going to the masjid, something inside me pricks, or sometimes, when realization hits, a part of me dies! You know? Dies!
In your words,
Like someone took a 6 inches heel, held my fleshy heart and stabbed a 10000 times! Got it now? Oh I know you did!

Sometimes, I feel you're heartless to give me all these memories and then leave me alone in this big bad world to fend for myself. But how can I blame you?
It was Allah's plan, and it pains me to say, this loss of mine was for the best.

Dated: 17/12/18