From Sweden with Love (Bill Skarsgård)

Chapter 5

The car came to a halt, as Bill got out; slamming the door behind before walking over to open the passenger door for me. I looked at him but he didn't meet my eyes, I could see his jaw clenched in anger as he stood silently; holding the passenger door open as he waited for me to get out. I stepped out, past him; pacing towards the house. I fished for the keys in my bag and stepped in, with Bill following behind. As soon as the door closed, Bill was at my throat.
"Okay Explain" he asked as I completely ignored him; tossing my clutch on the couch.
"Arianna, Did you want to get yourself Killed?" He questioned in disbelief as i closed my eyes, getting irked by his attitude.
"Bill I was just crossing the road okay? I don't know, that moment what hap- " i stopped mid sentence; staring at the blank space ahead of him.
"At that moment what?" he asked
"I don't know"
"For god sake-
"It's no damn reason to get mad about" i shouted as we bickered.
"No reason? jesus-
"Bill just stop" My eyes pricked with angry tears, I already had too much on my mind, and him yelling at me wasn't helping. His gaze softened as realisation dawned upon his face.
"Ari i'm so sorry, you scared me, I would've never forgiven myself if something happend to you" He stared back at me with glassy eyes, and I felt guilt bubble up inside at his words. Dumbass, he's concerned about you. He cares a lot, you just had to yell back at him, didn't you? Great job, Ari. I felt immediately bad as i cast my eyes down at the floor.

"Ari" Bill spoke; walking towards me and i took a step back; avoiding any physical contact with him. I saw his confused expression change to one that of hurt, and I immediately felt guilty again. He just wants to hold you, comfort you and maybe himself. He has a right to, he's your husband and you're depriving him of his right. You're only hurting him. No more words were said as he backed off, not even glancing at me as he dissapeared upstairs. His heavy footsteps were followed by the sound of the door slamming shut. I sighed; plopping down on to the couch as i buried my face in my palms. I didn't want this, I didn't want anything, I just wanted my old life back.
"I'm sorry Bill" I whispered. I got up, grabbing a water bottle and a energy bar from one of the kitchen cabinets and made my way upstairs into our bedroom, which was apparently empty. Bill was obviously sleeping in the guest bedroom and it made more guilt rise up inside me. I was depriving him of sleeping in his own room now.

That night, sleep didn't come to me that easily as i woke up with my body covered in cold sweat ; drenching the sheets. I had a nightmare similar to the hallucinations that i've been having throughout the day. The same images of Shattered windshield, sirens, ambulance; burning in my mind. Why is this happening? A strange feeling of dread had settled into my stomach as I swallowed a lump in my throat; swiftly pulling the sheets off me. I Climbed out of the bed, my bare feet touching the cold marble as i walked out towards the bedroom across mine. It was dark inside but i could see Bill's silhouette, his chest rising and falling with slow breaths as he snored gently. Part of me craved some sort of comfort and wanted to lay down next to him while the other stopped me from doing so.

I tiptoed over to the armchair resting in the corner and sat down. I needed answers and i knew i couldn't just ask Bill anything, without hurting him. I needed to go some place, wherever i could find the truth of who I really was and what happend to the past 7 years of my life? what's stopping you then, Ari? I looked over at Bill as I watched him sleep. Atleast apologise to him, for he's only been looking out for you, sick with worry. He deserves better. As I wrestled with my thoughts, i felt my eyes become heavy with sleep. If you leave for England, you leave him and If you open up to him, It wouldn't be long til you become attached to him. And i didn't want to risk it. That's what i've been doing up til now; avoiding the person i was bound to by the vows of eternity. I felt my eyes droop and soon enough i found myself drowning into the oblivion of sleep .

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