Roadtrip (Randy) One Shots

Depression - Randy

Warning: mentions of depression (obviously), if you're not comfortable with reading about it or if it triggers you, please don't read it. Your safety goes far above reading a fanfic. Stay safe! x

Andy p.o.v.

"Depression comes in all ways shapes and forms, everyone experiences it differently and not one medicine can cure it completely. I am Andy, 25 years old and part of the boyband 'Roadtrip', I have amazing friends, the most amazing mother and lovely fans. Oh and also, I have depression. I don't want to let it define me, I am not my depression, I am so much more, even though I sometimes feel like it consumes all of me. It starts off really unharmful, like sleeping a lot more, binge eating or not eating enough, lack of laughing, not being interested in things that I usually really like. Then after a while, it hits you. You sleep more than 10 hours a day, your diet is fucked up, you don't get why everyone is laughing about a joke and get bitter, and on really bad days you hurt yourself and cry yourself to sleep. At night you get nightmares, or lie awake thinking about all the things that you've done wrong or when other people screwed you over, so that is why you shouldn't trust them anymore and be alone. You also tell yourself that you're worthless and ugly, even though it is not true and you do have friends and family who love you. In moments like this, it feels as if a dark cloud is blurring your vision and clear thinking. It feels as if a black ghost is hovering over your body, and as if you are the one watching your body live, but not being able to control what it does or says. You're mind is floating, while your corpse is still on the earth and you are just watching it all happen from far above.

I have felt like this most of my life, but when I was around my twenties it got worse. Luckily this was also the time I met my amazing friends Rye, Brooklyn, Jack and Mikey. They unconsciously helped me get through the worst parts, just by simply being there for me and trying to make me smile again. Also, I went to a therapist, adviced by my friends, and that helped a lot. I told them some time ago about this and they hugged me and told me that whenever I was feeling like that again, I could talk to them and they would try and help me. I was, and still am, very grateful for that. I sometimes do have relapses where I will feel bad about myself again, or where I feel like I'm going into a heavy depression again, but then I talk to my friends and therapist about it, and most of the time I get away with it fairly easy. Of course, from time to time I will have a really heavy episode, but I am trying my best to get it under control.

The reason why I am telling you this is because it is important to make this a negotiable topic. Going to therapy or telling your friends that you have a mental illness should not be weird, I sure as hell don't think it is. To anyone watching this who is going through the same shit as me, please make sure you tell someone close to you, or go see a therapist. It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, if anything, it will only help you get better. Depression sucks, but our lives don't have too as well. I love you guys, see you on the flip side."

I put down the camera and looked at Rye who was sitting in front of me "I am so proud of you, you have no idea" he said with tears in his eyes. He flung his body across the couch and hugged me tightly. "Thank you for helping me" I said, also on the verge of tears. "Thank you for being so strong and telling not only us, but also the roadies. You are really brave and I hope that it will help people who feel the same way." I looked up at Rye and smiled at him, then kissed him on the lips. It was a passionate kiss, filled with love and absolute adoration for the other. When we parted, quiet 'I love you's' were being exchanged and little pecks as well. And at that moment I knew, whatever life or depression might throw at me, with Rye, the other boys, my therapist and my mum by my side, I could make it through.

As you can probably see, this is a story close to my heart. I myself have, and still am, suffering from depression. I have searched for help and found it in a therapist and my friends. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone even if you feel like no one will understand you. I am also always here for you, so message me if you feel the need to! X

Xoxo -E