Roadtrip (Randy) One Shots

Emotions - All ships

(You can fill in your own ship for this one)

All I felt was love when I looked into her eyes. Her blue eyes, as blue as the ocean and sky combined, which held all emotions that her face wouldn't show.

Her eyebrows, which would twitch if she saw something she didn't understand, or when they were raised because she saw something oh so wonderful. I could trace them with my fingers all day if she'd let me.

Her beautiful hair. Always shiny and it smelled of coconut shampoo. She loved it when I played with it, her mouth curling up into a content smile and a relaxed breath escaping her lips. Her head in my lap or on my chest and my fingers running through her golden locks.

Her body. It could be so sensual and beautiful, but also innocent at the same time. The way her hips curved, and the arch in her back when we made love. Oh, how I loved to trace those curves with my hands over, and over again. If it weren't for her stopping me, I don't think that I would ever stop touching her.

But nothing could compare to her smile. A different smile for each situation. When the corner of her mouth would lift up and she got that sparkle in her eyes, you knew she had a mischievous idea, or when her mouth would fully curl into a smile you know she probably saw a puppy walking by.

But then when her mouth would droop and the shining in her eyes got so heavy that tears were leaking out, my heart dropped to my stomach. I then took her in my arms and let her cry till the point her mascara was running over her tear stained cheeks. But I still thought that she looked beautiful.

Until one day, she didn't let me hold her when her mouth drooped and her eyes began leaking tears. She started shaking while talking, but I didn't hear a thing she said.

From that day on, all I heard was white noise in my head. People tried to reach me, but they couldn't.

There was a wall around me that no one could get through, apart for my hateful words towards people who didn't deserve those words.

There was a fire in my stomach. Anger. Not only towards her but also towards myself. I failed myself, but most importantly her. So much even, that she replaced me not only a day after.

I saw them at the mall. My eyesight went red. The fire in my stomach erupted and I yelled at her. She didn't even blink. Her new boyfriend pulled her away with an arm around her waist.

I also got pulled away, but I quickly shook the hand of my arm and stormed off.

I ignored everyone, just listening to music that drowned out my own thoughts, to get my mind off of things. It didn't work.

The rock music turned into sad music. The fire turned into an ice cube, and the white noise turned into a constant headache.

I still could not be reached by anyone, nothing coming through to my dizzy brain.

I laid in bed for days on end, only coming out to drink or eat and go to the bathroom.

I cried myself to sleep every night. My eyes red and sore from it, my throat didn't do much better.

The ice cube inside me slowly started melting, until there was nothing left.

Numbness.

Cloudiness and white noise prominent in my head.

I went outside more but didn't realise when I would walk a red light.

I cooked dinner for myself but only realised I had cut my hand when someone came to take care of it.

I was completely numb. So numb that one night I thought I was flying.

I couldn't feel my fingers, my legs, my arms. Everything was just numb, without feeling, without her.

I was so numb in fact that I had walked to our roof, standing on the edge, leaning forwards and not realizing a thing.

My red, sore eyes were burning, just like my throat. I felt the burning for the first time again.

My hair was unwashed, just like the clothes I had been wearing all this time.

I had looked at myself in the mirror, but I didn't see anyone, not alive at least.

Stood there was someone coping with having to exist. Exist without her.

That thought made me unconsciously lean forward a bit more.

The ground was far under me, but it seemed to get closer.

Until someone's hands were on my arms.

And those hands and the person attached to it, would be the reason I would want to live again.

To experience again.

Not to cope with existing, but really living and taking in the moments.

To share a similar feeling to love, but I wasn't quite sure of it yet.

To look into my own eyes and say "Everything will be okay."

I love you x

Updates will be very irregular, as I'm still working on myself, but when I get hella inspired to write you'll see it here.

Thanks for dealing with me and supporting me :)

-E