He's Gone

Sitting while the emotions battle within me. My eyes see almost a tunnel vision. Tears building in my heart with each passing moment, the walls that I had built to protect myself a few short years ago began to take hold almost immediately, they think they need to
protect me once more. It's what I've trained myself to do.
My thoughts are jumbled and I
can't pin point one single thought and see it through. So I write. I ramble and I silently scream inside...

My dad is gone, he is no more on this earth. He's no longer by my mothers side. Holding her hand and giving her a hard time. Mom and Dad, Nanny and Grandpa. Those words won't describe anymore as if they're one person. Now we hearMom, Nanny...The circle of life, it never gets easier. For me, much harder.

Gone is dads pain, no more suffering and he kept his mind until his last breath, telling my mom that he loved her. Knowing how badly she'll miss everything about him. She has the struggle now, moving forward without her soulmate by her side. Continuing her days while
she waits to be with her husband once again. Her hurt and tears and questions will become part of her now. She will ache while not showing it to anyone, she will cry until there's nothing left and then she'll cry silently inside. She will talk to my dad and yell to the heavens, she will beg just to see or hear or feel him next to her. She will have lack of
sleep due to dreams she doesn't want to have or reality that she just can't seem to get out of her head for even a moment.

Dads struggle with Cancer has come to an end...Moms struggle with what Cancer has done is only beginning. She'll continue to live with the emptiness inside and the broken heart while trying to heal from them. The memories will overwhelm as will certain smells. Her husband is everywhere, it's all she's
known. Her struggle is the fight for her now. Her religion and beliefs will help her move forward in her new journey and I'm grateful for that, for her.

I see my dads face and hear his laughter as he's welcomed back to his original stomping grounds, up there. But before the welcoming he'll receive he will stand by the woman who helped him create his beautiful life, he will touch her gently to give her the comfort she needs, he will
help her through the final steps as she bravely says... So Long for Now and she begins to learn how to continue on without him.

My walls become a bit weaker and I see things more clearly, I let the emotions come as they do and will continue to do, protection isn't so gravely needed as I am not in this alone and I am loved. So as I focus my love for my Dad.... I embrace the knowledge and wisdom and memories he has given to me, his oldest child, his only daughter. I am my fathers daughter and I carry on so many traits and characteristics of my dad and I do
this proudly! I will forever be daddy's little girl ... Until we laugh together again my sweet, sweet Dad I'll Continue my journey. I Love You🦋

©torri_769