No love=No lose

ÒNE🖤

Summer
3:11am

Here i was once again drowning in my own sadness. I sat on my bed, next to me sat pain medicine i wanted to take them all at once but i couldn't bring myself to do it.

The thought of being sulked over disgusts me people who didn't even care for my well being before i ended it would come and give me the grandest pitty party with black clothes, food , and speeches how great.

But the sorrow grew deeper and at that point i didn't care i placed 11 pills in my hand and swallowed them all. Next thing i knew i felt so sleepy and i layed on my pillow hoping to never wake up again.

I didn't even dream that night well i never do i stopped having dreams when i turned 13 and things started to make sense my world collapsed on me slowly next thing i knew i was diagnosed with depression on my 14th birthday after my teacher discovered the old and new lines covering my arms.

I guess that's why i loved sweatshirts so much not only did they hide my scars but they hid me as well. Shielding me from the things i felt harmed me besides myself.

That whole semester i spent my days at a mental hospital i was even transferred out and had my classes at the hospital as well. I guess you could say i lived there.

I made one friend his name was macen he was sweet, small, and very fragile he was a little cutie pie to who just so happened to be a year younger than me.

He had a bipolar disorder and BPD which is borderline personality disorder. He was the only friend i happened to have that didn't run over me or use me for favors.

One day i went to go see him in his room but his bed was empty i was so confused i had hoped he had just went in the gardens for a walk but i was wrong.

Earlier that day he had a panic attack and was transferred to the box room which is where they keep you under watch. He couldn't stand being the only one in there and banged his head on the metal chairs until he suffered severe head trauma and later died.

That same night i attempted suicide myself but Dr.Hecks came in and caught me in the act and tied me to the bed and ingested medicine in me making me sleepy.

That was my very first suicide attempt leading me to here

My alarm clock buzzed i awoke with a pounding headache and i came to realization that i slept through the night and i wasn't dead making my sadness overbearing and making me angry i couldn't even be good at getting rid of myself I'll always be a failure.