No love=No lose

THREÈ🖤

Summer
[same day]
10:38pm

I awoke to a dark room i checked the time on my phone i was asleep for 3 hours. Rolling out of bed i went to take a shower.

For a moment i let the water run as i examined myself in the mirror. I didn't like how i looked but i can't change it. If i could I'd change everything from the stretchmarks to the facial features.

I'd make myself look like one of those Instagram models or girls you'd see on broadway who get casted lead roll in all the plays.

The hot water ran down my body i sort of flinched in pain because of some of the newer ones had still hurt.
They were a little deeper , i seem to cut deeper each time i do it.

It's been a while but i don't know if i can start back again. It doesn't satisfy me anymore i call it a hobby now. I know it shouldn't be but it is and sometimes i like to watch the red liquid leave my body and slowly drip on the floor.

While i was changing my phone buzzed but with a message. It was the same number that called me after my shift. I figured it was the guy i had just met because all my other contacts are saved but nobody really speaks to me so my phone almost never gets a message.

I'm surprised he'd want to talk to me. It's most likely infatuation or in other words lust. But I'm not the one to lust over I'm not capable of loving someone simply because I've never loved or knew how. That's the main reason I've never had a relationship I've talked to people but they had mistreated me making me feel even more incompetent.

'Hey,from bookstore guy' the message had said

Being friendly i respond back 'hi.' And almost immediately i got a response

'Oh so she texts back? Answer the phone love' i snickered at the response but caught myself

'I don't speak' and with that i powered my phone off and turned on an episode of "Reign" and fell asleep again.

This time i dreamt and it was surreal i dreamt of a baby on someone's lap followed by a hospital sign that read "Princeton Memorial"

I abruptly awoke confused on why i had dreamed and out of all times that was the dream chosen for me. I turned my phone on.

(1 missed phone call , 1 new message)

He doesn't give up does he its only 1 so he might be up i thought

So i decided to text him

'Sorry' i said rolling my eyes at how nice I'm being

'Don't worry love just answer'  i don't know why he's  calling my love

Shortly after my phone rings hesitantly i answer.

"Hello" i said the best i could

"Your voice is so sweet and soft love but hey" he said his deep tone filled my ears and i began to blush.

And we spoke through 1-5am honestly that took me off guard because i don't talk to people

But like i said he could just only have lust for me so i won't think into it.